Later Yesterday.

Later yesterday after my blog post got to be quite the emotionally exhausting day: my doctor's office called me and said that my doctor wanted to book a phone consultation later that day to discuss my ultrasound results....yes, that's right, that very same ultrasound I'd just had the day before, the one they said results take a week....wow, that was sure fast, so of course I'm imagining the worst, or else why the urgency, right.....so I'm just in a panic, convinced they must have found a tumour or why else would they be so quick in informing me although it would seem odd to tell someone over the phone that they have cancer but if they need to act quickly time is of the essense so......

and so I waited and thought This is it. This is the day I find out I have cancer. It brought out mixed feelings actually: relief at finally having an answer to my ailments that have been plaguing me the past 2 years that no one can seem to find out why, and also serenity at the fact that indeed I will be dying soon and that soon I will finally be free.....but at the same time stark cold fear at the actual realization, I mean, this is cancer we're talking about here and for anyone to be told they have cancer is such a heavy thing, a big hit, a hard reality, so needless to say I was a wreck waiting for the call.....and after all that all he said was my bladder is "distended" his guess is maybe it didn't have enough water in it. Huh? Water? As far as I know it, a bladder doesn't even have water in it, but urine. I really and truly don't think they even know what they saw or what's going on. First they tell me I have a cyst on my bladder, and then no, they think it's a tumour, and now it's just a distended bladder. All I know is something is going on and it appears to be eluding them yet causing me bleeding and pain among other symptoms and no one seems to be able to find what it is and it's taking so long if it is cancer it's probably spread all over by now and it's too late because it took them too long to find it. I can't believe how half-assed they are here.

As well, the girls are going to a Ariana Grande concert tonight in Toronto. Not my kind of music but I hope they have fun. I'm going to the KISS concert in August.