So It Begins.

The 12 YR old's voice is starting to change already. I know. It's early. I wasn't expecting it so soon.

He's begun puberty already.

Oh, God.

The other day he yelled at me I hate you! and I distinctly noticed on the word hate his voice was a different octave; that it changed, it was much higher than usual and then afterwards I kept my ear out for it and I noticed it happened several other times,too. His voice is definitely changing; a sign of puberty and it would also explain his sudden growth spurt and why he's outgrowing all of his clothes all of a sudden and all the arms and legs of his clothing is suddenly waaay too short and now he's taller than his older sister who's almost 18.....he's now all of a sudden a towering giant.....he's easily going to end up the tallest in the family and my hubby is 6 feet tall and our oldest is over 6 feet, he's easily going to surpass that full-grown.....

Luckily he is my youngest and so the last teenager I have to endure but I thought I had another year left until I had to endure that one more, last time, but nope.....it snuck up on me a year early.

Shit.

He's always been on of the more difficult of the kids, even as a baby he was fussy,a hard to feed, cried alot and was difficult and as a kid very difficult (to put it nicely) so I hate to think what the teen year will be like, and he's already very mouthy and even hurls such hate-filled insults at me such as Go kill yourself! so I just dread to think what the next few years are going to be like......oh, God.....here it comes.

Now I know why some animals eat their young.

When I had all the kids so close together years ago, most of them just 1 and 2 years apart, it was kind of fun and they were all so cute and it was nice having them so close sharing such a close bond( some of them still share to this day, esp. the girls; they're like best friends) but I never thought ahead that years later down the road I would also have a whole bunch of teenagers all at the same time too and at one time I even had (horrors!) 5 teens all at once. It was horrible, but somehow (by the grace of God) I made it thru and now only one more to go. I just didn't expect it so soon. A year early.

The 20 YR old also has 11 people coming to her graduation this month too and I feel badly I won't be there and I'd like to be there and see it but it's in Ottawa and that's where one of the biggest traumas of my life occurred and I can never go back there ever again with all those memories; it would trigger flashbacks and PTSD and set back my emotional healing, a risk I just can't take. I can never go back there ever again. It's probably for the best though anyway as it's over a 3 HR drive each way and with my bad back I'd end up crippled and I can't leave Buddy home alone for days either with no one there to feed him or take him out for walks, and besides, I don't want to embarrass her,either; if I went I'd be afraid she might be ashamed of me in front of all her friends and such, and with my social phobia I would panic as well being with all those people being expected to mingle and be social,too, so it's probably better for everyone that I just stay home.