Wilted.

For the past 2 years my health has been bad and keep declining but for this past week I feel particularly wilted, like the sunflowers pictured here, all droopy, wilted, dead. I feel like I'm fading away and like I'm going to faint all the time, have bad abdomenal pain, headache, nap for 3-4 hours each day and still just want to do nothing but sleep, have zero appetite, feel weak like all energy has been sucked out of me, nausea, like I'm dissolving or disappearing almost, like the leaves of fall, all drying up, withering away and falling off. That's how I feel. I feel like I'm at the end-stage of a chronic illness and it feels like I'm just barely holding on and just waiting for a gentle breeze to come along and carry me off. I wonder if that really is  what's happeening and I'm going thru that process or I just have a virus although I don't feel sick like I normally do when I come down with something, but rather I feel weary, I feel like I'm fading, almost as if there's less and less of me each day, and almost as if something's taken over my body and slowly been sucking the life out of me and I feel like I'm slipping away, and the vivid dreams and visions are increasing as well, incl. a strange one that the UK is going to be at war(but with who is unclear, so perhaps a civil war?) and I was under the impression it has  something to do with Brexit and I keep seeing a baby girl in our near future, maybe my first grandchild ,perhaps?

I've felt sickly before but not quite like this; this is different and it's lasting a week and every day it feels like there's less and less of me all the time, as if I'm slowly just fading away I guess is the best way to describe it. In my dreams I also visit dead relatives and have amazing adventures in a different realm I keep returning to every time in my dreams so it does make me wonder.;maybe I'm in the end-stages of heart, liver, or kidney failure , or maybe I do even have some kind of cancer they haven't diagnosed or something? In any case, if so, I'm ready. I have been for a long time. The most surprising is my lack of appetite though; I just don't feel hungry or want to eat and normally I feel ravenous yet at the end of life stage it's perfectly normal for the appetite to shut down as the physical body prepares itself for death and it no longer has a need for nutrition. The good thing is though I lose weight.....finally.....

My cousins are also finally back home after an incredible 2 week North American vacation and long 12 HR flight and even with the 8 HR time difference they're still going back to work and school Monday and Tuesday (school starts up again here Tuesday too) which surprised me; boy, they're sure going to be tired; you'd think they'd take a week off before to adjust to the time change and I always personally find it harder going that way; East with the time hours ahead adjusting that way as opposed to going West and having hours behind what you're used to. Normally they just travel within Europe(stay at their villa in Spain in winter, for example) so it's only like 1-2 hour difference so no problem. I think everyone has a place, a country, they belong in  and feel at home and for me that's Jamaica! That's where I want to either die or if I can't arrange that ( not exactly within my control) I want my ashes brought back there and scattered along the beach in either Negril or Montego Bay. I also bet I'll die with my headphones on listening to music, with my dog cuddled up beside me, laying in the sun, with marijuana flowing thru my veins.