The Survivor.

Even though my sunflowers died awhile ago there's still this one that continues to hold on and survive, seen here. It still has 6 leaves left, 4 of which are still green, 2 of which are still perfectly healthy on the top. It has no flower; it's been cut off and harvested for seeds, and yet it still continues to hold on and survive. The stem is still green and it continues to draw up water trying to live as long as it can despite a hostile environment and all the odds against it. It's a survivor and it reminds me of myself.

Despite all the traumas, misfortunes, hurt, hardships, mental illness, physical illness, abuse, betrayals,bullying, depression, suicide attempts, etc. I've endured in my life I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm weary, I'm broken, I'm scarred, I'm beaten, I'm fragile, I'm barely holding on, but I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm still holding on. I survived. Like the last lone sunflower plant still struggling to survive despite a grim outlook and an inevitable and imminent end as long as the sun continues to shine down and the rain continues to fall and God sustains me, I continue to survive.

I was also disappointed to hear the 18 YR old listening to Britney Spears (she's so 90's, no one even listens to her anymore and even back then I still didn't listen to that pussy-pop crap) but then later on I was proud when the 12 YR old recognized a Queen song. I saw a post on Facebook as well mentioning about Ozzy Osbourne doing a song with Post Malone and people were saying who is Ozzy and I was like, WTF? Are you kidding me? I'm wondering who the hell is Post Malone? and my itching is really bad lately too, my skin all over inside and out and my eyes, inside my nose, everywhere, another sign of my worsening liver. Ugh!

Smoking a bowl I also inhaled a bunch of ash as well as smoke and that's never happened before and it was so gross and when I'd hork/spit it would be black/grey from the ash and it tasted just awful and that can't be good to inhale into your lungs or get into your stomach and I don't know why that happened; maybe there's a blockage or something with my pipe ( I smoke more than a Jamaican bonfire, ha, ha!) and I was thinking if there really is a Soulmate and True Love out there for me somewhere with my luck he probably died, or he's gay, or a priest, or lives all the way on the other side of the world or something...