Our Thanksgiving.

Yesterday was our Thanksgiving and we had our big meal in the diningroom. Of course my uncultured Neanderthal hubby and offspring thought it would be "funny" to start throwing food at me as I was starting to clear the table....my mother  yelling to them that she and I will never be able to eat with them at the diningroom table ever again( because they always ruin it so we sit apart from them in the kitchen) and so I stopped and decided since they like making a mess so much they'll enjoy cleaning too so I told them that this year it's them that will be clearing off the table and washing the dishes. At first they balked and didn't do it but I told them if they didn't I would just wake them up early in the morning to do it so at some point they decided it was better to do it then. Lesson learned. I hope so. My brother-in-law never showed up and we were also depending on him to come over and help with the balcony railing like he said he would and at first I was worried the 18 YR old would be all alone for Thanksgiving in Vancouver too but then I remembered the second-oldest also lives there so I felt better knowing they would probably be together. I missed her little potatoes she always cooks as well and her pumpkin pie, which this year we got from a local bakery, the one my friends from the old church own. I miss her, too, and every year our table gets smaller and smaller. It used to be we had over a dozen people all crowded around our table, all squeezed in, elbows touching, packed in like sardines, but now we even have empty spaces and it's sad actually.

My mental decline continues to worsen as well. One example is yesterday I said Watch the dishes when I meant to say Wash the dishes, and it happens alot, words come out wrong, I'm incoherent, I hear things wrong, I get things mixed up, I get foggy and confused, and it's not just on Weed Days,either, it's any time; it's just me, so I suspect my White Matter Decline is declining even more, and of course my family spares no expense in laughing at me, ridiculing me and making fun of me for my gaffes, making me feel even worse about myself but that's the way they are. I'm the butt of everyone's jokes except it's not funny and I always get hurt. All my pants are also so loose they literally are hanging off and always fall down, and my arms and legs are much thinner too and my face is looking thin and gaunt now as well and I no longer have 2 chins or back fat( which is a good thing, I'[m not complaining) and I figure I must have lost a massive amount of weight but when I weighed myself the scale only said I lost 2 pounds. That can't be right; the scale must be off; it wouldn't be that much difference and that noticeable for just 2 pounds....

My hubby also told me today he could take me to get my mug shot and health card re-newed and I was all prepared to do so and now he says I can't; he forgot he has a dentist app't today. It figures. I have to get myself psyched-up to go out and then he cancels on me. I'm always just an after-thought, not a priority and stuff for me doesn't matter and always comes last and is the first to get cancelled because it's not important. I'm so sick and tired of this shit. He also said he has trouble playing a video game due to being colour blind too (only he accuses them of always getting their colours all wrong!) and I told him it's just the way he is; he can't help it and it's just something he has to live with and adjust to....then it hit me: why can't my family see it the same way about me and my bipolar, Asperger's and depression? They hate me and blame me for it but I can't help it; it's just the way I am but I didn't ask for it. I was born this way and I try to adapt the best I can and it's NOT easy and let me tell you I'd trade it for being merely colour blind any day!

The 16 YR old also doesn't know when she's returning from visiting the 23 YR old and doesn't have a date yet and the thought occured to me: Is she even planning on coming back? Maybe it's her plan all along to stay there and live with her for good?  It makes me sad to think but if that's what she needs, if that will make her happy then I understand and she has my blessing although I will really miss her. The 18 YR old is racist as well which breaks my heart: she still doesn't like Vancouver, and that's ok, but she also said she wants to quit her job because there's So many Asians and they all have accents she can't understand and she doesn't want to work with them. Vancouver has Asians? No......who would think? Even though we told her before she left that Vancouver has even more Asian people than even Toronto does......duh....in highschool 95% of my friends were Asian.....so what....I can't believe what I was hearing, that's just so awful, and I can't believe one of my kids would say something like that! She sure didn't get that from me, that's for sure!!OMG!