That Smell.

This was my bedroom(the source of the fire) after our electrical housefire 23 YRS ago in Ottawa. I lost everything except for the clothes on my back( and I ran out barefoot at 11:05 pm at night. Even my dog died. It was a nightmare and we barely made it out alive. I had 6 kids at the time incl. a newborn 3 week old. After I passed the kids over our 6 foot fence to neighbours I somehow ( pure adrenaline I imagine) I actually jumped over that fence. The flames chased me up the stairs as I ran up the basement and out the back door and shot out the door after me, burning my eyelashes and bangs. My lungs were burning and squeezing tight from the smoke. Everything seemed to move in slow-motion as we sat stunned and in disbelief on our neighbour's lawn watching our house burn down and hearing the firemen break all but one of our 86 windows to let the smoke out.

It was a real-life nightmare I'll never forget. We had to spend 10 weeks in a motel while the house was rebuilt.

I also remember that the morning of the fire I kept smelling this strong smell, like nail-polish remover. It was a really powerful acetone smell and it permeated the entire house, and reminded me of the smell I have often experienced going under General anesthesia, that just invades your nose and head, it's all you can smell just before you're out. At the time I thought nothing of it and I just assumed someone spilled nail polish remover. That's what the smell is like. Another comparison would be when citrus fruit rots. It's just overpowering but at the time I didn't know what it really was, not until after when the fire chief told me. He said it was the burning rubber insulation on the wires just before they burned thru. 

I will never forget that smell as long as I live.

I've smelled it before and got all panicky fearing a repeat ( and yes, I did have PTSD following the fire which lasted 9 months or so) but it ended up that one of the kids had a rotting tangerine in their room they forgot about. Exactly the same smell. It happened again today too: this time in the bathroom and of course I feared another electrical fire, so, like a dog I went around sniffing trying to locate the source. I ended up finding it strongest in an empty bowl on the counter with a trace of some liquid in it and when I sniffed deeper it was definitely nail polish remover that had been in there so I relaxed. I was so scared we were going to have another fire.I was also thinking of calling the fire dept. to come over and check it out if I couldn't locate anything.I guess the trauma, memories and fear never leaves. I will never forget that smell. It will be ingrained into my memory and fear responses for the rest of my life.

As well, yesterday the 18 YR old said she got "hit" on 3 times on the bus and it creeped her out but I wish that happened to me; being ugly I've never been hit on, not even whistled at or cat-called by construction crews. I wouldn't be offended by it or see it as harrassment; I would be flattered and feel grateful that someone found me attractive and desirable. What I wouldn't give for someone to make me feel like that. It would just make my entire day. Being ugly is so hard and it just impacts your life and your self-esteem so much. I'd consider being flirted with as a compliment. I'm 52 years old and I've never been hit on, flirted with or told I was pretty. How sad is that?