Air Miles.

OK, so I thought it would be nice if allthe kids could be here to visit this Christmas and have it like Old Times for a nice family Christmas so we were checking to see if we (my mother and I combined, we've been collecting them for years) still had enough Air Miles (more precisely Aventura points) left so the Edmonton Boys (the oldest and the 21 year old) could also come up to see us, after booking flights from BC for the second-oldest and the 18 YR old to come up( and having used other Miles to cover the 25 YR old's recent trip to Belgium and the 20 YR old and 16 YR old's recent train trips locally)... but it turns out we only have enough left for one airfare.... so which one will it be.....or as I said why not divide it up and share it ( as always a mother sharing everything among the kids and dividing everything up so everyone gets a fair share) so they each get half and get airfare half off....

I was talking to the oldest who called me the other day but he didn't seem too eager to cvome up and visit us actually, which saddened me as it's been 3 years(maybe longer) since I've seen them and I really miss them and was hoping to see them. He didn't seem eager to see us though and the whole time just kept complaining about our filthy house and how he'd be miserbale the whole time fighting and arguing with his siblings, some of which are Politically Correct and can be hoity-toity and how he'd end up pissed-off and having to stay at a hotel anyway and pay even more $$$ and he'd be more happy at his nice apartment and he said he'd want to smoke weed in the house too even though I'm even forced to go outside to smoke it(and it's for medical reasons and I live here) and he brags how he's so skilled at manipluation and he can talk anyone into anything and he can talk Papa into letting him( yeah,right.....I'd like to see that!) and made comments such as women are shitty making me wonder if he's misogynic, or if he just means how many of them are bitches, slutty and use men or is it that he doesn't perhaps treat them right and then gets mad when they don't take that kind of shit or what but it concerns me...

In any case, everything considered it's proably best they don't come ( and he also said he shouldn't have to pay the airfare, either; if we want him to visit then we should pay for the honour of seeing him  and excusing the reason he doesn't pay his student loan from university and left my hubby to default on it (he co-signed it) was because we're shitty parents and when the 21 YR old was younger he tried to kill himself and ended up moving in with him and he had to take care of him which should have been our responsibility so he "took that as 'payment'" even though mental illness runs in the family and it's not anything that we did(or didn't do) specifically and he blamed us too saying it's not his  responsibility to pay off his student loan that it's up to the parents to pay for their kids' education, even though he knows there's no way we can afford to pay for all the kids to go thru university; they get loans and work to pay their own way and once they graduate and get jobs it's their responsibility to pay off their own loans. With an attitude like that he seems determined from the beginning to cause trouble and Christmas would be ruined for everyone so it's probably best they don't come afterall and I thought instead how about since there's only one Air Miles flight left how about later on (not travel in winter) I use it and go up to Edmonton later in the spring perhaps and go visit them  instead? If they can't come here I can go there, esp. since it seems I'm really the only one that really misses them and wants to see them anyway....and I won't get mad, care, or get into an argument if they swear, tell rude jokes, smoke weed, or aren't Politcallt Correct....

I also kept waking up during the night with this bad headache so I wonder if my BP is high, and I'm really constipated too, really, really, and it's so hard I push so hard like I'n having a baby and go blue in the face and lamost pass out and it can't be good all that pressure on my incision and it feels like I have this huge hard baseball sitting in my ass trying to come out and I took 4 of the Colace pills and finally this morning I got some relief. Oh, my God, it was so bad. I hope stuff is just still sluggish following surgery and not that anything got damaged or anything and that this isn't going to be a permanent thing. Yesterday I also had my first outing, 10 days after surgery, to church, and the priest was saying how when your journey in life changes or ends( you get divorced, lose your job, move, get a bad medical diagnosis, lose a loved one, etc.) a new one begins even though it's scary and God is always by your side and gets you thru it and I know that's sure always been true with us and lately I wonder if I should just stay the course or make changes, in so many aspects in my life.