Louis Vuitton.

I have noticed lately that my Louis Vuitton purse has been over time missing pieces, namely the "buckle" parts holding the straps on. They have been seen off the bag and on the floor. At first I thought it was wear and tear since the bag is old;I've had it at least for 15 years; I bought it when we used to have $$$$ ( which we lost due to a "perfect storm" of unfortunate circumstances: the economy, we lost alot in the stockmarket, thousands in shares in Nortel when it went under, I got audited and fined which took half my $$$$ and took 7 years or so to pay, plus my mother retiring losing one salary,etc...) but it had been fine right up until that point yet all of a sudden things were just randomly "falling off" it? I leave it in the hallway with my shoes and then it hit me: someone is sabotaging it. One of the kids is ruining it on purpose. Just like one of them ruined 3 sets of my headphones (the wires were deliberately cut in half for example; that's no accident, and my weed ashtray I got for Christmas mysteriously disappeared.....my "gut feeling" is that it's the 12 YR old....I seriously think there's something deeply wrong with that kid but no one believes me, they think it's all in my head, but I really don't think this time it's a delusion from my bipolar; this is very real and the physical evidence prooves it. I also have a suspicion that he might have an eating disorder as well even though it's rare in boys it does happen; he hardly eats and I have to practically force him to and he's so skinny . All the kids genetically are thing( and my hubby and I were too until we hit our 40's) but this is a whole new level of skinny. I am always "after" him to eat and to make sure he eats and he hates it but after the 16 YR old's struggles with anorexia I'm not taking any chances!

The power also went out the other day for 30 minutes and it wasn't just us; it was off on the entire street and then it came back on but they never said why, and in church Sunday I borrowed my hubby's phone to call him when I was done to pick me up and it was making this weird tweeting/chirping sound in my purse too that sounded like a bird (he later told me it was someone leaving a message or a text or something and it was R2D2 from Star Wars but it sounded like a bird to me) and I wondered if other people heard it and thought I had a bird in my purse, and I noticed as well the Rich Lady always looks so perfectly dressed and put together yet she always has these really big noticeable bags under her eyes and I've always wondered if she has so much $$$ why she doesn't just get the surgery to get rid of them and I came up with 3 possible reasons:

She's not as rich as she looks or as I think and she can't afford to get them fixed

It doesn't bother her and she doesn't care.

She's one of those people that's scared to have surgery.

As well the priest also said that the greatest love you can have is to pray for someone, incl. for their soul (to go to Heaven) once they're dead  and then the sad realization hit me: when I die who is going to pray for Me? I have spent my entire life always praying for others but when my time comes there won't be anyone to pray for me because my family doesn't give a shit...that's one thing that always got me,too: I only ever prayed to God, even as a kid it never made sense to me to pray to others for "intercession" (Jesus, Saints, angels,deceased relatives,etc.) when you can just go directly to God Himself. Why go to the "middle-man" when you can just ask God? Besides, doesn't the Bible say you're only supposed to worship God anyway and anything else is idol worship? That's one thing that always gets me, and when I was a kid and my Babushka would take me to Mass the larger-than-life bleeding Jesus statue would also scare me it looked so creepy, and Jesus being God's Son and being crucified for our sins also doesn't quite sit "right" with me either as there seems to be a conflict, at least in my eyes as I just don't see that a kind, loving, merciful Father like God would allow His Son (I esp. felt this once I had my own kids)to be tortured and killed like that; I mean, He's God; He would move heaven and Earth to save  His Son; He could do anything and Jesus wouldn't even have to die, to sacrifice Himself for anyone's sins; if God decided one day that humanity be forgiven for their sins all He has to do is decree it and it's so. He's God. He created the entire world out of nothing so all He has to do is decree a thing and it is; it's done

.Plus, everyone is responsible for their own sins; you are not responsible for someone else's sin. YOU commit the sin and YOU are responsible for the consequences. Which  to me then would seem that Jesus either isn't God's Son (but rather a prophet, emmisary, sent from Him to warn and teach, His Spokesman,etc..) or He is God's Son but rather that He wasn't killed and that God just rather took Him up unto Himself, like He did with Moses and Mary, body and soul. I could also never wrap my head around the Eucharist actually becoming Jesus either but rather that it's symbolic and represents the Last Supper. Don't get me wrong, my faith in God has and will never waver or be doubted, it's just the semantics of religion( which is man-made) that can get confusing...I just continue on in my faith and pray, asking God for clarity and guidance.

I also by accident came across the symptoms of pancreatic cancer and it matches mine too such as abdomenal pain and back pain...but those are so vague so who knows. It feels like I probably do have cancer of some sort though with the pain, the lethargy, the aches, the everything; it feels like something is sucking the life out of me and draining all my energy and I'm fading away...it feels like someone unplugged my valve and let all of the air out. Last night I also had my last toke before surgery(which is on Thursday) as they said I can't smoke 2 days up to surgery, I guess something to do with your lungs, breathing and the anesthesia.I'll miss you, Mary Jane. Someone from the hospital called today too and told me the time I have to arrive: 6:30 am(and it takes 20-30 minutes to drive to the hospital)! Shit! The surgery isn't even schuduled until 9 am! That's as bad as the airport, having to be there 3 hours before your flight actually departs!