Birthday Lunch.

My birthday is exactly a week today(I'll be 53; old fart, ha, ha) and I'm old enough to know better but young enough to still do it anyway. So my mother and I went to our fave. Italain place for my early birthday lunch since my hubby was off this week and had the time to take us. It's really expensive ( it cost 88$ just for the 2 of us and we never even had any alcohol!) which is why we only go once a year. I got the chicken penne and she got veal parmsean and we got a pizza to bring home plus we shared a decadent chocolate mousse cake slice. I forgot to bring my lactose pill although I thought I did and I did plan ahead and tossed the pill bottle in the purse....except it ended up to be the wrong one; stupid idiot me accidently grabbed the wrong one; the empty one, and the waitress also forgot our straws and garlic bread ( we had to remind her) and gave me a regular cola instead of the diet I asked for and my mother still tipped her anyway (???????) but we had a good meal and still enjoyed it, not letting that ruin it for us. I'm still not fully recovered yet from the virus but at least my appetite is back so that's good enough for me.

Last night the second-oldest flew back home to Vancouver( 4-5 HR flight) and tomorrow the others go back but we're supposed to have an ice storm which, of course, may likely cancel their flights, and now everyone is sick too except for the 18 YR old ( so far...) and my friend P (from grade 6) and her BF went off to Cuba Christmas Day, to the same place I went to! I also did this huge colossal shit as well it was so big, so hard and so stuck I thought it would never come out and I pushed so hard like I was having a baby and it was- I swear to God- the size of one of those big cucumbers, the length and width, I think I must have torn my asshole, and it was bleeding. My God it was brutal.

My New Year's resolution is also to try to keep surviving and not kill myself, and my mother said the 16 YR old said something about my not getting Christmas gifts for anyone either but the reason for that is because I don't have any $$$ and I can't afford it; I have very little $$$ and everything I do have is all taken paying bills and for medication; there's nothing left for savings or spending, and I wouldn't have enough to get gifts for everyone and it wouldn't be fair to only get them for some and not everyone and I just don't have the $$$$ and even if I did( which I don't) they wouldn't use them anyway, just like the gifts I brought them back from Jamaica they never wore, not even once, so why would I spend $$$ I don't even have on stuff they'd just toss away anyway? Everyone also always rushes to help my mother when she needs help too but no one ever does to help me and they call me "lazy" when I need and ask for help but if she says "jump" they ask "how high?" and the kids always bring my hubby his drink from the fridge, for instance(and even fill them up in the fridge for him; whereas I fill up and get my own) and when I comment he's not crippled and can do it himself too he smirks, It's called helping out.....so it's just different then; the rules change depending on WHO you are.

I also wonder as well if maybe I might have some sort of neuro-muscular disease like MS, MD, or ALS or something that might explain my continuing decline in weakness, exhaustion, funny gait, falling, difficulthing with grasping and grip, balance, double vision, muscle atrophy, pain, stiffness, soreness, difficulty moving,brain fog, forgetfulness, clumsiness, etc.... it might explain alot, and it just makes me wonder.....it could be....