Christmas Steve.

Today is Christmas Eve Eve, which we call Christmas Steve. it is also the 20 YR old's last day here she goes back tonight and will be spending actual Christmas with her BF's family. As always she commented on how "filthy" our house is too even though the kids( who make the mess so they had to clean) did a big cleaning before they came. She wore another way-too-short skirt again too so maybe she dresses that way all the time( which saddens me) and yesterday in church the 18 YR old even wore a micro-mini-skirt which is even more inappropriate and it's not just me that thinks so either as I can remember when I was in Greece they wouldn't let tourists enter the churches if they weren't dressed modestly and that meant no bare legs for women or men, incl. no short skirts or shorts and no bare shoulders for women either and they'd make you cover up. Between the short skirts and all the make up they look like whores. In any case that's not  the way I raised them and I want to make that very clear. Someone also keeps leaving the toilet seat up too and it drives me nuts and if I find out who it is I'm going to tie their willy in a knot.

I also keep wanting to get a group photo shot of all the kids together too but it seems impossible as I can never seem to get them all together at once as somone's either always still up in bed asleep, sick, out shopping or visiting friends, etc. and I also noticed as well the last time I saw the 21 YR old when he was 18 he still looked like a boy but now he's all grown-up and he looks like a man, incl. with a beard and everyone noticed too how much taller and older the 12 YR old looks now and how his voice is chnging deeper now he's in early puberty and I also noticed too(unless I'm just imagining it but I don't think so) the second-oldest appears to have had a boob reduction ( like I did...twice) as her chest looks much smaller unless she's wearing a binder, or a super industrial miracle bra or lost a tremendous amount of weight or something.....her and I got the gigantic boobs from my Babushka who had big ones, so big they hung all the way down to her waist. I realy am curious and want to ask her but I'm not quite sure how to approach it, and the 23 YR old looks  the same as always, dressing Goth and all in black.I was hoping it was just a phase she would outgrow as a teen but she didn't. I find it very dark and disturbing. She will also have a hard time getting hired looking like that as it's not very professional and it scares clients. I also had this scary dream with the oldest being left home all alone he might take this opportunity to commit suicide too but I hope it's not true and I have to also keep telling myself that not everyone feels and thinks the same way that I  do and I also had a revelation of sorts that the reason the 21 YR old had his suicide attempt as a teen was due to the Accutane medication he was on for his severe acne ( even the dermatologist said it was the worst he'd ever seen) as being suicidal is a known side-effect and I told them I didn't want him taking it due to the risk( plus with the added risk of mental illness and suicide that runs in our family) and it's better to have pimples than to be suicidal but no one ever listens to me and it happened a few short months after he'd been on the medication so it does make me wonder...I'm just glad he's OK now; he's been thru so much; we all have.

Yesterday it was also 7 C and going to be the same today and all the snow has melted and now it doesn't look or feel like Christmas anymore and I'm sad. It's still not too late though and I hope and pray we still get some more snow by Christmas day and that's what I want most for Christmas, the same thing I want every year..... I'm also really itchy lately and my skin looks yellow again,too; jaundice so I assume my liver is acting-up again. The 25 YR old also has the cold now too and someone's usually always sick over holidays.

Here is also another sweet photo of Buddy just because.I'm worried about him too as today he seems extra lethargic and didn't even want to go for his walk and it gives me a bad, ominous feeling but I hope I'm wrong and it's nothing more than just worry. In church last night the new priest also said one of the prayers in his native African language and everyone was looking around confused like What? What is he saying? What the hell is going on? but I thought it was beautiful, and I can tell as well people strain having trouble trying to figure out even what he says in English too with his heavy accent but I'm ok because I'm used to, and good with, accents. I can even pin-point what language someone speaks and where they're from just by their accent. The same goes by their name and facial features,too. History, geography, and language has always been my thing. math not so much. I also hope by the end of this year to find love, peace, happiness, purpose and meaning in my life but if I'm lucky probably all I'll end up doing is watching Cats and the new Star Wars ( the only nerdy thing I like although even then I only started watching them when I was in my 40's even though the first one came out when I was 10) movie.