Silver Fox.

This is my hair. Yup,all silver/ grey now, but with some dark in places along the sides and back but you know what, I actually don't mind it and sort of like it now. I didn't used to as it makes me look old, but I am old(I guess, I turn 53 next month and according to some people, like my kids, I'm old, but to others, say in their 80's and 90's I'm not; it's all perspective) and I slowly started to accept it and grow into it and it reminds me of my fave. fur: silver fox, and I had a silver fox fur hat I got when I was in Russia when I was 18 and I lost that in the fire,too as it was sitting on one those styrofoam wig head stands on my bedroom dresser but the fire spread so hard so fast I didn't even have time to think about material things; I had to get the kids out and at the time I had 6 kids, incl. a newborn 3 week old baby, who is now 23. I also think the silver hair looks striking with my blue eyes. I have spent the majority of my life(since I was 15) dyeing my hair( black, auburn, blonde, highlights, henna, red) but now I think I'm finally satisfied with it.....at least for now. My natural colour was a listless mousy turd-brown but I have to say the silver looks alot better even if it makes me look(or at least reveals my age more) older.

I was also woken scared and in a cold sweat at 3 am with a nightmare that Buddy had died and I checked him and relieved to find out it wasn't real( even though it felt real at the time) but only a dream, and picking up dog poop I also got shit under my fingernails yesterday too and now it's raining the snow's all gone again( I hate this!) and it doesn't look or feel like Christmas time anymore so I hope we get more again soon,and I've had a cough since last summer,too, and I don't mean this summer that just went by either, but last summer, summer 2018, and it makes me wonder if maybe I have lung cancer or something(or maybe just because I smoke so much weed; I'm like a Jamaican bonfire, ha,ha) and perhaps it's spread and that explains my pain under my ribs and in my muscles and bones...and my friend F's ( from grade 6 and he still lives in Toronto and is an accountant now) daughter(in university) was recently diagnosed with cancer as well and his wife's brother in the Philippines said it was "karma"(even though it was my friend that had sent them 30K this year to pay for his niece's education and they tampered with the receipts and cheated him and are ungrateful and now call him fongakk which means motherf*cker) and now there's this huge all-out family feud and they're all taking sides....it's sad but at least our family's NOT the only one that's f*cked-up!

I also had a realization too that just because something doesn't work, or a goal isn't achieved or a dream doesn't pan out, etc. it doesn't mean that you failed and that you're not a failure; it just wasn't meant to be, and I also think that some people just truly aren't meant to be happy or to find love and that I'm one of those people.... a friend also posted on her Facebook a photo of the Van Gogh painting she got in Paris and has hanging in her livingroom and wow....just...wow....it blew me away....I knew they were rich but I didn't realize that they were that rich, rich!  We were never that level of rich even when we had $$$$ years ago and when I was growing up; people always referred to us as "rich" although I never saw us that way and my childhood days were typical for myself and my peers: going to the cottage, summer camp,and horseback riding in the summer and skiing and skating in the winter, and my friends were gifted new cars once they turned 16 and the boys in my school were all the classic stereotypical "Preppie" boys of the 80's with the Polo shirts and the deck shoes,etc...but that was just my "circle" and I didn't know anything else and just thought it was average but I wasn't like a millionaire or anything like that and the closest thing to real art is the Monet copy we have in our living room.

I also saw this posted in my Facebook  hippo lovers group and I hope to get it. I've never seen the Jumanji movies ( I think there was another one before this) but it's a hippo, so....it comes with a little man too but I can probably find a use for the man, too, hint, hint, wink, wink, ha, ha...