Getting Old.

This is a recent photo of my friend I( from grade 8 ). It sort of shocked me when I saw it as she looked so, well.......old(she's still pretty though). Then it hit me how we all are now, and the other day my friend C ( from the YMCA group in Ottawa) turned 59 and my friend J ( also from the same group) is now completely grey as well. When I first met them we were all in our 20's and so young and that's how I really remember them and now it's hard to see them(and all of us) as looking so old, incl I, pictured here; I still picture her (and us together) in grade 8 as kids, young, goofing around, being kids, having fun, doing silly things,making fun of the teachers, telling jokes,crushing on boys, complaining about bullies, having sleep-overs, prank phone calls, going to the park, rollerskating, making secret clubs and secret codes,writing Slam-Books, playing games, hanging out, just having fun being kids......and here we are now: she's a grandmother now and we both have wrinkles, crow's Feet, lines on our faces, saggy necks, jowls, creaking bodies that are falling apart and failing us, etc..... and the time has just gone by so fast and I can't help but wonder what happened to us? How did we get so old so fast? it's hard too because on the inside you still feel the same; you still feel 14 but on the outside you don't; on the outside you look and feel old, like the age you really are, and your physical body betrays you.getting old really sucks!

It had been so cold the past few days ( it's warmer now) too cold to shit outside so Buddy, in his great wisdom, shit on my expensive wool Hudson's Bay blanket overnight that cost me hundred$ of dollars ( thanks for that by the way, I really appreicate it) and he's lucky I love him so much and that I'm forgiving, and I have this sore bump on my right eyebrow now I wonder is a big bug bite or maybe a gross pimple that needs squeezing, and yesterday in church I did Confession and in conclusion the priest asked me to pray for someone that loves me and when I suggested my dog as he's the only one who loves me he said dryly, Preferably someone with a soul.... and that got me mad; how can he say animals don't have souls? Even though they don't have self-awareness, a conscience and aren't judged for sin like humans I still think they have souls; they still are living, sentient beings that must have their physical bodies animated by a spirit that gives them life and connects them to their Creator and that departs their body at death.....I believe they do have souls and our other priest would never have said my dog doesn't have a soul; he understood and respected how much he means to me and I really miss him ( he recently got transferred elsewhere) he was so kind and conpassionate and a great listener that always took the time to counsel me and went out of his way to be nice to me. He's the kind of person that would be a great best friend,someone you can confide in and who listens and cares, and would have made someone a great husband and father too except, you know, for the fact that he's a priest, but his qualities of kindness and compassion will serve him well as a priest,too.

Also in church yesterday half-way thru Mass this scruffy-looking guy walked in late, a grubby-looking redneck with wild hair, a wild beard, t-shirt( in winter) all tattooed, and carrying a big black bag and I got really paranoid and scared, nervous he was a shooter and he was going to take a rifle out of his bag and start shooting up the church but luckily nothing happened but nowadays the world has just gone crazy and with all the attacks on mosques, synagogues and churches; attacking places of worship and religious persecution you just never know anymore, and for early Valentine's Day they also had all the married couples stand up and re-new their marriage vows as well and I'm glad I was just there alone with the 12 YR old and not my hubby ( he doesn't go to church anyway) as there's no way I'd want to do that with my hubby; to re-new a vow I regret even making in the first place; I married him against my own better judgement the first time and have regretted it since I certainly wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake again.