Marriage.

The other day I came across a question asking to describe marriage in one word and my reply was regrettable. That's just my own though, not marriage in general. I still do believe in marriage as it's a way to show commitment for those that are in love but my own marriage and that of my own parents has not been good but I have seen other good examples though such as my grandparents that lasted until death, and my cousins and friend from grade 8 who married out of highschool and are still together, so it all depends on the people. As for my own, I'd best describe it as a business contract between 2 friends that went sour and turned bad over the years and there was never any love, passion, or romance but rather I just settled and married a friend, the first and only guy that ever showed any interest in me  because I desperately wanted a family and feared that was my only chance and if I didn't take it I'd miss out, and truthfully that's probably true, but looking back I would have been better off if I'd just have stayed single, you know, rather than marrying the wrong person and being unhappy for my adult life.

He wasn't too bad in the beginning, as I said we were friends and we got along, but once we had kids he morphed into this mean, controlling I-don't-even-know-what and I can still clearly remember when I had our first how as soon as he'd get home from work he'd snatch him out of my arms and hig him all up to himself for the rest of the time, not even letting me pick him up or hold him the rest of the time as long as he was home, saying I "had him all day" and it was "his turn" and whenever he'd be sitting or laying down somewhere and I'd go to pick him up he'd snarl at me, he's fine where he is! and would block me, like he didn't want me near him, like I was only "allowed" to be his mother when he wasn't there, and it got so bad I couldn't wait until he was gone all day at work so I could enjoy my baby and it just got worse from there over the years......I heard that having kids ruined relationships and this is true but he took it to an entirely whole new level, and that's just one example and one issue.... I still believe in marriage though and I hope my own kids find the right person and get married but only if they're sure and they're in love; I don't want them to settle and have regrets like I did; I don't want them to settle in life, to settle for less than they deserve, to know their value and worth and to not accept anything less.

I also saw on the news they interviewd a guy with Lyme disease and his symptoms sounded alot like mine the past 2 years; the exhaustive fatigue, joint and muscle pain, etc. so maybe that's even what I have? He also said it was hard for them to diagnose too, just like with me, and I have picked ticks off Buddy's fur so they are in the area, and the 20 YR old's BF's mother has it; she got it from a tick in her yard doing gardening and she hasn't been able to work in months and takes even more medications that I do so it's possible. All I know is something is causing me to feel the way I do and has been sapping the energy out of me for the past 2 years. It's funny too how my mother and I have always talked medical jargon that confuses the rest of the family but for us it's just normal everyday ( like the other day when I told her about a kid with Acondroplasia being bullied at school and she's like Oh! he's a Little Person like the Roloffs! and even at the table we discuss in graphic detail the most disgusting medical and surgical procedures and think nothing of it but it majorly grosses out everyone else who beg us to stop but we think nothing of it.

The 25 YR old has also increased his exercise and fitness regimen and can now lift more than 200 pounds but weights over that catagory are too expensive so what he does now is goes outdoors and just finds fallen tree trunks and lifts those and unlike a gym it's free, private and he gets fresh air and beautiful scenery.The other day the 12 YR old called me a drug addict too due to my medical marijuana which has eliminated my immobilizing daily migraines and relieves other pain that no other meds can and I told him to me it's medicine and I need it for my health(it's essential like oxygen, food, sleep, etc.) and it's better than Oxy or something else addictive and you can OD on for pain relief and my hubby interjected, Don't bother! She's pro-drug  and no matter what you say nothing will change her mind! and it's not that I'm "pro-drug" but that I have seen the benefits of medical marijuana first-hand and I'm NOT a narrow-ninded judgemental asshole like he is.If I had advice for him it would be this: