The Street.

I saw this photo the other day in the news of a Toronto street and it looks so much like any typical street in Toronto and just like my  old street in my old neighbourhood where my old house was from age 12-17 and the best house of all my houses I've ever lived in ( out of something like 13 or so) the one I always feel is most my Home, that I have the most "home-y" and nostalgic fond memories of, the one in my dreams I always dream I move back to ( which I think must be symbolic of something, likely wanting to return to my past where I was happier) and seeing this I knew I had to copy it and save it for memories. When I look at it tears well up in my eyes and I sigh and my heart skips a beat, thinking of Old Times and suddenly in my mind I'm temporarily transported there in my mind and I smile again for a brief time and I remember what happiness was and wonder why I ever left.

The PM also announced with the Coronavirus pandemic and resulting mass hysteria and panic and gov't imposed social distancing, self-isolation and quarantine he may enact the Emergency Measures Act  to enforce compliance on those who don't obey Big Brother which I discovered replaces the old War Measures Act  which basically imposes Martial Law  and takes away citizens' civil and legal rights and allows the gov't to impose upon us whatever it wants incl. restricting our movements, gatherings, putting us under guard, survelleince, etc. and then it suddenly hit me:

  this is it:

 this has been the Plan all along: scare people into compliance with the Coronavirus pandemic and they'll submit and comply to Martial Law without question or protest. They'll think it's for their own good. Frighten and control people thru fear. The New World Order  has begun.

 That was what I was warned was coming- to look out for and be careful- it was this- the coming of Martial Law and the New World Order. Big Brother is coming. We can kiss our rights, liberties and freedoms goodbye. Of course this doesn't sit well with someone like me; a rebellious free-spirit who won't be controlled and doesn't like to be told what to do and I'm not going to just sit here and blindly believe it or accept it, nor do I "buy" what they're trying to "sell" me now  with the pandemic hysteria either( take Canada, for instance: a total of some 21 deaths so far and they panic.....out of a country of a population of some 76-and-a-half million....that's hardly any; more die of the Flu, yet they're acting like it's Ebola  or something, that has over a 90% fatality rate....

THINK!!

I also did my Buzz-cut again, breaking free, the Old Me again and this would also solved the problem of all the hair salons being shut down during the pandemic hysteria as well ( at first I thought they'd said they were "essential services", not that they weren't, as I think haircuts are,and if not everyone will end up looking like trolls by the end of the quarantine periods which could end up even being months!)...just shave it off! It was time anyway and I usually do shave it for spring and summer and grow them out longer for fall and winter when it's colder. The 12 YR old also asked Why is it all grey? and I told him, Because I'm old! He also taunted me saying I was "lazy" "fat" etc. and I reminded him that one day he TOO will get old, grey, fat, broken down, used-up, have medical issues and slow down,ie,'lazy' ,etc. and to just wait until YOU hit your forties.....you'll see!!! It happens to everyone. My mother also snarked that it's OK the kids make fun of me because it's just a joke but I told her that it's NOT a joke and it's NOT "funny"; it's disrespectful, mean, bullying, and insulting, and then her and my hubby twist it all around and put the blame on me (as usual) saying I'm  just too sensitive , take everything too personally, can't take a joke , etc. typical Gaslighting  techniques and victim-blaming, blah, blah,blah, etc, etc. like I've heard it all before.

In 2 more days the 12 YR old turns 13 as well...oh, dear God help us, another TEENAGER!!!!!!! Oh, Sweet Jaysus, Holy Mother of God, help us! He's mouthy and defiant enough  as it already is now and has always  been one of the most difficult and challenging of all the kids; I can't even imagine  this one as a ( I hate to even say the word)....teenager! (eeek!)  but I remind and reassure myself that we survived all the others and he is  the youngest afterall ( as well as the last  of 11 kids) so I'm at the end, the end is near, I'm almost done, I can DO this!!!!!! I can see the finish line....I also found out that apparantly all of the older kids did  secretly date as teens behind my back too despite my rule they not do so until age 18 ( once school was done and they could concentrate on their stuides and worry about dating later, once adults and closer to age of marriage) which hurts and wounds me greatly, esp. to find out my hubby knew about it all along and helped them, all conspiring behind my back all those years. I feel so betrayed, so disrespected, so excluded, so outcast, so not-a-part-of-this-family, so disregarded,so deceived, etc. and then they wonder why I  don't trust them, am always wary and suspicious of them and their motives,  wish I had another family and wish I was someone else with someone else's life, wish I never met my hubby or had kids, and wish I had my old life back!

My hubby also snarks often to me in disrespect and belittlement I don't know why  I even bother  talking to you!  and the 25 and 16 YR old said at their work ( grocery store, now deemed an Essential Employee in the pandemic) the union got them a 2$/HR pay increase plus if they happen to catch the Coronavirus they get 2000$! I often wake up at or around 3 am pretty much every night as well and I recently just came across info that said apparantly 3 am is what they call the Bewitching Hour where the spirit world is most active and where sleeping people are most easily contacted as the veil is thinner between their world and ours, and can also be harrassed as well, or given revelations or whatnot so I wonder if that's maybe why?  I always wondered about that and all this time I just assumed I had to get up and pee at same time every night? I also often wake up with a bad headache(it goes with it) at the same time too and then it made me wonder: maybe it's because as I sleep I'm travelling thru another dimension as I dive deeper into my conciousness and it strains my brain resulting in the headache( and also really sweaty I wake up in as well?) esp. as I know I do  go somewhere  as it's always the same place and it's familiar and I always see the same people there....I also found out who Arabella is! Remember, the little girl around 4-5 with Down Syndrome who's always in my dreams I'm really close to and it feels like she;s my own? Well, that's because it turns out she IS: 

She's my daughter.

She's one of the babies I miscarried all those years ago.