Starting Over.

I've had to start over several times in my life. Just basically start over again from the beginning. Pick up the broken pieces of my shattered life and start all over again. I can feel I'm at that point again now again too once again, nearing it, getting close to the edge, and yesterday I discovered someone had attempted to destroy all of the baby sunflower seedlings I've had growing for the past month or so. I had them safe in the windowsill in the kitchen and I noticed they had been uprooted, torn out, scattered all about, broken ,roots exposed, some broken right off or in half, dead, dirt scattered all over, just torn apart and destroyed. It just broke my heart. Now it's possible, I suppose, that a squirrel could  have squeezed thru a hole thru the window and gotten in and done it.....9and I prfer to think that over the other option) but I think what more likely happened is that someone purposely and intentionly did it, with ill-will, just to hurt me; that they ruined something they know I care about just to wound me, break me and push me even closer to the edge.

So I did what I always do.

I started over.

I salvaged what I could and re-planted them, transplanting them and hoping that it "takes" and they can survive, what few survivors I have left, and I also planted more seeds, still early enough in the season they still have time to grow, just a bit late. It just breaks my heart though that someone could be so cruel, so hateful, so mean, so vengeful, and why,and for what? What have I ever done that was so bad? I tried my best  and yet they hate and blame and punish me for being what I am. I'm pretty sure it's either my hubby or the 13 YR old, who hate me the most, and would be the most likely ones trying to push me over the edge( and honestly will probably be successful one day) and we all know how clear my hubby makes it he wants me gone and how he wants my life insurance $$$$ and both  he and the 13 YR old have unbelievanle mean streaks and are cold-hearted, and when I find out which one it is (and I will) then I'm going to destroy the thing that they love most too so they'll know how it feels  because honestly I'm sick and tired of them always destroying my things and treating me like shit and this will be the only way that they'll learn. I've tried everything else and nothing works, they don't get it, they don't stop, they just keep doing it, and it has to end. All the icons also disappeared on my computer yesterday too, I doubt is a "coincidence",either; someone's definitely f*cking with me....

it

just

keeps

getting

worse

every day

and I've

had enough.

I can't keep living like this.

My mother also went to the ER last night as she was nauseated( for the past few days) and had pain radiating down her left arm, possible indications of an imminent heart-attack,and at her age ( turning 79 in July) you can't take any chances and both the 25 YR old and I were alarmed at this and told her she should go, just in case, to at least get it checked out, for peace of mind if not, and if she is going to have a heart-attack it's better to have it there at the hospital than here at home, but she was reluctant( why is  it that healthcare professionals make the worst patients?) but she went and there was only 1 other person waiting( wow....unusual) and she was only there 2 HRS in total ( new record!) and got an IV, bloodwork, and an EKG and it all came back OK but they found she does have a UTI so she got antibiotics and came back home and he blood sugar was high,too: 21! ( should be 10 or under) but we all know she doesn't take care of her diabetes like she should,either; she should check her blood suagr every day and she only does once a week  and her "logic" is I only have to if it's high....or I don't want to know...

Funny,too, when the 13 YR old heard me say cardiologist he thought I said PARTY-ologist and that just cracked me up and I thought it was the funniest thing ever; a doctor that specializes in partying , and the 25 YR old says he has this co-worker that's going to get an "underground" haircut too, going secretly to a hairdresser's house to get his hair cut in the lock-down and paying cash, like some blackmarket deal and he says it's worth it, to get his hair cut. Lucky for me with my Buzz cut it doesn't matter or affect me, and I just DIY and I always isolate myself and stay home and avoid people anyway so that's no different and I think it's wonderful  without any sports always taking over everything, the only way it affects me is I miss church and I hate it line-ups everywhere to get in stores and having basic supplies run out like during wartime.