The Retarded Fork.

I think we all have that one odd or defective in some way utensil that no one likes or wants and always rejects ( that's how I feel in life) and for us it's this one fork, pictured here. it only has 3 prongs and feels really weird and I call it the Retarded Fork. With my bad luck I somehow always seem to end up with the Retarded Fork too and it also always seems to be the last fork left in the utensil drawer, tossed aside and left behind, the poor thing so I actually feel sorry  for it. We always have a shortage of forks in our house too, they just seems to disappear( just like the odd socks in the dryer; you put a pair of 2 in  the laundry but only one ever comes out; it's like they disappear down some dark hole somewhere) and I'm convinced they run off with the missing socks. Nevermind the dish ran away with the spoon; the forks ran away with the socks! Poor Buddy's not feeling well yesterday and today,either, just laying around, belly extra bloated and making loud gurgling sounds, and looking at me with that sad look in his eyes telling me he hurts and he also has diarrhrea and blood back in his shit once again too so I think it must be something he ate again( my guess is too much turkey over Easter and all the steak he had yesterday; he scarfed down a whole plate of cut-up pieces of it in under a minute) so I'm cuddling him even extra because a hug always makes you feel better and I feel so badly for him and always worry about him when he's sick or hurt just like I do with the kids.

Also I remember when I was waking up coming out of a dream I thought I had been dead and as I was coming up out of it and into regular conciousness I remember thinking to myself in my head, I'm alive now! I can move and stretch again! as I was waking up, actually feeling as I was transitioning from one dimension to the other and the 13 YR old called me Tubby yesterday too; Buddy said he wanted to go out for a walk and he was barking at me telling me and I said Nooo, right now? It's so cold out.... and the 13 YR old said, Get up Tubby, you need the exercise!  and it was hurtful (as well as disrespectful and uncalled-for) and in my heart I have a feeling that it was probably him that broke my vase,too, and that also ruined all my other stuff too, such as my earbuds, headphones, and thew away my Bob Marley ashtray that the 25 YR old gave me for a Christmas gift( which was esp. hurtful as I really  liked it and miss it and that's a really shitty thing to do,too, throw away someone's present)  etc. because he's mean like that and also because he was so quick to accuse someone else (the 16 YR old) of doing it and usually when you blame someone else it usually means that YOU did it and are trying to deflect the blame onto someone else and I know he's very vocal in his disapproval of my marijuana use( he gets that from my hubby) and he's always making 'smart remarks" about it( such as calling me a 'drug addict" even though I use it for medical purposes but if he only knew  how much pain I'm always in every day with my Rhuematoid Arthritis and my back, abdomenal and stomach pain and headaches at times too then he'd understand  the much-needed relief it provides and how it's eliminated the daily migraines I used to have that were so brutal then maybe he'd be more understanding but I don't have to "explain" myself to anybody, esp. not a 13 YR old kid. I used to be one of those judgemental assholes myself too that looked down on those that took drugs, smoked,and drank alcohol too but now in my old age I've mellowed-out and became more open-minded and tolerant and now I see that even for recreational use it doesn't mean you're a bad person; it just means that you're human, and everyone deals with stress, grief, pressure,trauma, pain, anxiety, etc. differently and in their own way. We all have our own coping mechanisms and that's OK. My BFF likes to unwind after work each day with a glass of whiskey before bed and my grandparents often had a glass of wine with dinner and they weren't "bad" people. It's when you abuse  it that it becomes a problem.

The 20 YR old is also highly exposed to the Coronavirus as she knows lots of people whose parents and other close relatives have it, plus she works at a grocery store, and I think the quarantine, isolation and social distancing mandated will be psychologically hard on most people esp. as time goes on and the longer it drags on as most people as humans are social beings and unless you are on The Spectrum social interaction and connecting with other people is very important and necessary for most people's well-being ( unlike people like me with Asperger's who like  to be left alone and prefer to avoid people) and maybe that's part of the plan all along; to isolate people and break them down psychologically so they'll be all isolated and alone and more easily susceptible to be complacent and submit to Martial Law without defiance beccause we all know that there is strength in unity and you weaken people and their resolve by isolating them...plus, if you prevent them from gathering and forming into groups they can't rise up against you and rebel,either....

The past few days I also have what I can best describe is a "hallucination" only not by seeing or hearing things that aren't there but smelling  things that aren't there, specifically strong putrid odours that smell like shit and something burning like burnt toast. it's really strong and overwhelming, even enough to wake me up out of sleep during the night and I get it both at night and during the day and I swear it's real but there's nothing there, yet last week for 2-3 days I had NO sense of small at ALL and even when something really was burning (I left something on the stove again and forgot, something I often do unfortunately with my increasingly forgetfulness) I didn't even smell it, even though usually my sense of smell is really good, almost as if it's trying to "make up" for my poor hearing and bad eyesight but for those days I couldn't smell a single thing; it just shut off and now this.....WTF? My hands are also really puffy and swollen lately too and my fingers look like fat sausages, baad fluid retention, so likely indicating either my kidneys or heart issues, and I also have a weird "metallic" taste in my mouth at times,too...my body is shutting down and dying  and I have no idea why....