Buddy-Boy.

This is Buddy and I suntanning yesterday. He is my Buddy-Boy in so many ways. He's my Suntan Buddy, my Best Buddy, my Bed Buddy ( he snuggles with me in bed at night like a cuddly stuffed toy) my Buddy Guard (he's a great watchdog and bodyguard, fiercely protective of me) my Snuggle Buddy and my Cuddle Buddy, my stubborn old man Fuddy-Duddy Buddy, Sweet Buddy, Buddy-Boy, etc. not to mention also the best Dog In The World and the Best Dog Ever. Everything thinks that they have the best dog but I actually know that I do. He's the best dog I've ever had  as well as the best friend I've ever had. He's one-of-a-kind and I'll love him and remember him forever. He's one of those special ones that comes along rarely in your life and you remember forever and that touches your heart so deeply and leaves a deep imprint and will never be matched or compared; in a class all on his own. No one has ever loved me like he does and no one ever will again.

For the past 2 days I've been woken up by a bad headache, and I wondered if my BP was high again which often causes headaches but this time it wasn't, and in fact, it was low, esp. for me; 114/71 ( normal is 120/80) so it wasn't that, and it didn't rain ( I also get headaches when the air pressure drops before rain; my head is a barometer) either so who knows what it is. I've been getting headaches alot lately but they're not migraines; they feel different and often also radiate down the back of my neck and make it stiff as well. Needless to say I don't think my new vape is going to last a month like I'd hoped.....Today we're also going to have a BBQ and my mother is always so obsessed for some weird reason about the BBQ and she was major mad and freaking out the other day too because she thought my hubby got the wrong chicken weiners and she kept raging ( not to him  directly, of course, but behind his back to the 17 YR old and I) how the BBQ was "ruined" etc. ....and after all that it turned out he didn't; it was the right one,afterall; they had just changed the packaging and she didn't recognize it and thought it was the wrong one! HA!

I was also thinking how it always seems to happen that the ones we want and are attracted to are always the ones out of our reach although in my case when you look like I do everyone is out of my "league", and now with all the BLM protests this months it has overshadowed Pride month  and you don't hear about it on the news and at least they're also NOT finally always talking about the Coronavirus all the time anymore,either, thank God,either, and I can't believe it's been 3 YRS now since the 17 YR old had her battle with depression, anorexia,and self-harming, and I'm so proud of her for beating it and overcoming it and it was just so hard for all of us and such a dark time and she still has the scars on her arms and thighs from the cutting but I see it as a reminder that she's a survivor; that she was stronger than it was and she beat it, and for me the hardest of that entire time was the self-harm, seeing the cuts and realizing that she was hurting herself like that; it really broke me to realize she was hurting that much, that she was that broken; to know that my sweet, beautiful, amazing, smart, wonderful, loved, favourite girl was hurting herself like that just broke my heart and shattered me; it tore me apart, ripped my heart out, and the fact that I was oblivious to it all and had no idea( even though she was also very good at hiding it,too and didn't want anyone to know) it just really messed with my head and for me that was the hardest part of it and I just couldn't understand it, deal with it, or wrap my head around it and it just destroyed  me and then to find out it had been all secretly occurring behind my back and I had no idea broke me even more, and to know I couldn't help her I felt so helpless, but thru therapy, prayer, time , perseverance( and I took the brunt of her cruelty ,backlash,resistance and hate during that time, further breaking my heart but I pressed on, determined to save her even if it destroyed me in the process, which it did; that was the "Last Straw" that broke me completely) and hard work she got thru it and is doing well now, for which I am so thankful and relieved, but it's still in my head where it haunts me and probably always will. Some scars never heal.