Déjà Vu.

The other day I saw this photo on TV and I instantly recognized it, it flashed a memory from my early childhood and I clearly remembered it, I knew it, I was there, and I felt transported back there so my hubby( mostly just trying to prove me wrong and make me look stupid like he always does) checked where it was and it ended up to be a Metro station in Stockholm in Sweden, and although I have been to 37 countries Sweden is NOT one of them (although I have been to Norway and Finland) and so of course he and the 17 YR old proceeded to jeer and mock me but the memory was real  and I did recognize it, making me wonder if perhaps it might have been from another past lifetime I was recalling the memory from? This kind of thing has happened to me before,too, many times, even when I was a little kid, and the one my mother remembers the most was when I was around 3 or 4 and we were on the way to the cottage and passed thru this town and I recognized it and knew where we were and I told her I'd been there before but she was baffled and said no, I hadn't; that was my first time but I was confused because it was so familiar....I recognized it,I remembered it, it was familiar, I had been there before, I knew it, and stuff like this happens to me alot. Call it deja- vu. For years even as a kid I also remember these recurring dreams I was walking down certain streets in both London and Moscow in detial and this was before I travelled, studied geography or watched the news so I had no idea what they actually looked like other than the images in my dreams yet years later when I actually did  go there and I was walking down those exact same streets they were exactly like I saw in my dreams and everything was exactly like I had seen and I knew where I was going, as if I had been there before and knew my way.....so......???????

Last night around 3 am Buddy also woke me up with gagging noises and I quickly jumped up to check on him afraid he was having trouble breathing and he was still asleep but needless to say I didn't get much sleep after that as I just curled up beside him cuddling him telling him how much I love him but luckily he seems OK this morning, thank God, and my mother has to go back about her arm as it's still a hard swollen shiny pink bump about the size of an egg even though she insists it's "gone" and she can't see it I still clearly can and I think they're going to have to drain it(Hey! Anybody got a pin?) to clear it completely up as after 2-3 courses of antibiotic pills plus a course of antibiotic IV(by now she's probably getting resistant to them she's had so much, and that's not a good thing,either) over a month in total and it's still not gone it likely has pus or something still left in there that needs to be drained in order to escape and fully heal. That's what I think anyway. She said it still itches too which doesn't sound right after all this time,either. She also has this loyal friend that was the only one that stayed in contact after she retired over 17 YRS ago and they wrote eachother letters faithfully and then several months ago the poor lady got cancer and then my mother stopped writing her and I asked why and she excuses and stalls I don't know..... and I told her I think it's horrible to just abandon your friend like that(esp. when she'd need the support of a friend the most!) and now she'll probably die thinking she did something "wrong" and wonder why her friend all of a sudden stopped writing.....it's just cruel so I suggested she could always phone  her to get back in touch and let her know she hasn't forgotten her( if she's still even alive, that is; it might be too late) but she still never did. I will never understand her.

It's also been 13 years  too since my hubby f*cked me and not thru lack of trying; he's just not interested and before his excuse was he didn't want me to get prego again but I had my uterus removed  7 months ago and still nothing so what's his excuse now? He can't say that I got too old, fat,and ugly either because so did he;he's old and fat now too and he was always ugly; we both are; that's how we settled for eachother because no one else wanted either of us, and my guess is either (1) He can't "get it up" anymore and he's too embarrassed to admit it (2) He realized that he's actually gay and women just don't 'do" it for him anymore, or (3) He has a mistress and he's getting it elsewhere because there's no way any guy would go that long without it, so he's getting it somewhere, just not from me..... Yesterday I also got this bad headache hit so suddenly it felt literally like I was hit on the side of the head with a baseball bat and knocked half side-ways, it was staggering, and Facebook  also deleted an NWA video F*ck The Police I'd put up on my page in honour of George Floyd,too, proving once again we are living in a Fascist censored society, and now with the "pandemic" people are being forced apart, isolated from eahother and their support network, wary and afraid of eachother, scared of their own shadow, and prevented by the authorities from assembling, gathering, etc... sounds like a Police State to me....