Self-Harm?

I was thinking the other day and a memory had come back that I had actually completely forgotten about actually; something I used to do in fits of rage and self-hatred when I was a teen, and looking back I wonder if it maybe was considered self-harming, although back then in the 80's people either didn't do it, not as often, or there just wasn't a term for it back then or it wasn't as well known, but I'd get so mad at myself for making a mistake, hating myself for being ugly, for being stupid, for never being able to do anything right, for always failing, for never being good enough, for never measuring up, for never being accepted, for "being weird", for being so clumsy and always bumping into things, dropping things , knocking things over( which I  only later found out is a common trait of Asperger's but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 45 and only then did it all make sense; except for the ugly part; that was just pure unfortunate genetics) for always being rejected and bullied, for guys not being interested in me or asking me out, for fearing I was going die a virgin, for being so worthless, hating every time I looked in a mirror, just wanting to destroy myself..... I'd hit,slap and punch myself furiously in the face and head, and hard,too, enough to cause cuts, bruises and bleeding , basically beating myself up, unleashing my rage and fury on myself for being  so ugly and hating myself so much, and although I never actually cut  looking back certainly this must still be a form of self-harm, don't you think?

 My mother was aware of it too as I never hid it; she even saw me do it but she wasn't supportive or compassionate in any way; she'd just stand there and stare and say curt things such as Are you done yet? Are you happy now? yet never thought that there just might be some deeper psychological problem, some mental or emotional issue that probably should have been dealt with,  nor was there ever any comfort or questioning as to why , nor any sympathy, undertstanding or concern, just disgust and turning away not wanting anything to do with it, again more rejection. I eventually "grew out" of it and there was never any more mention of it and I eventually forgot about it until the other day until the memory came back but then it made me wonder....But did I really "outgrow" it or did I merely just suppress it, adding to my huge pile of emotional baggage?

I also heard on the radio there's a big gonnorrhrea (I don't know if I even spelled that right but you know what I mean; the STD) outbreak in this town and it's so nasty; people here are just so skeezy, and child #9 turns 19 on the 19th, and the 25 YR old had lobster and the discarded shells smelled soooooo putrid in the hot summer heat the strench reeked and wafted all thru the entire house and outside in the garbage cans I had to smoke weed to cover up the gagging, stomach-churning stench, and the 17 YR old says I'm a Helicopter Parent too always wanting to keep the kids safe but I'm just doing my job though; it's my job as a parent to protect the kids and keep them safe and to try and keep them alive, at least until they're 18 ( although I still hope they live longer  than that, it's just my responsibility until then, and after that it's up to them) and with all the traumas we've endured it's makes me extra vigilant,  and my mother almost ran over Buddy with her walker again too and when I  screamed she got mad at me (instead of looking out where she's going; it's never HER fault) and sneers sarcastically that I'm always right  and I replied I never said I was but this time I am and I'm not always wrong all the time either though like she thinks I am, and she does  have to watch where she's going and having a walker and being old still doesn't give her the "right" to go around running people over. I don't know how many times she's run over my feet too(and it hurts!) and she doesn't even apologize,either; she thinks she has the right! She really is a piece of work!