Was Ist Das?

Funny story: I saw THIS on Facebook and didn't know what it was at first(I thought it was a keychain or something) and then told it was a butt-plug and then I'm like, "But why is there a TAIL on the end?" so I thought about it for awhile and then it finally dawned on me....."Oh....oh...oh! FURRIES! and where the tail is attached......OHHHHH!!!"🤣😲 I just found out what a "Glory-hole" is this year though,too. I know, I know, I'm a bit slow. I also woke up with this massive headache this morning and assumed I must have high BP again( since it's not supposed to rain; another reason I get headaches; when the air pressure drops before rain) so I checked it and to my surprise it's actually low which is unusual for me; it was 111/73 ( normal is 120/80) and the pain in my lower right side/flank and under the rib is also really bad today too, the kind of pain where you just curl up into a little ball and rock back and forth in pain, the kind of pain that just takes your breath away. I wonder if it's something on the verge of rupture, like my appendix or if I have kidney stones or something or if it's just my failing liver or right kidney? Or it could be my colon acting-up again as I also have bad abdomenal pain,too....?

My mother also said to me curtly, Next time I'd appreciate it if you don't phone my doctor and tell him I'm going to kill myself! and I'm like Whaaat? What are you talking about? When did I ever do that? and then she says it was at least 6 months ago and for one thing I don't even remember 6 months ago or beyond and for another with my Social Phobia I don't even like talking to people on the phone so there chance of me actually phoning somebody is next to nil unless I absolutely had  to so I seriously doubt it; she must be confused again and the last time I saw him and he asked how she was I just told him she's nauseated daily likely because she "cheats" on her diabetic diet and I did tell him she's basically just given up and just lays in bed all day but I never said anything about being suicidal.....and then she goes on how he was all concerned and called her and talked to her, etc. and she was so embarrassed and humiliated, etc.. but at least it shows he cares though and that he's a good kind and concerned doctor, like that time I broke down in front of my other doctor and he was so kinf, concerned, worried and caring he was even afriad I might jump in front of a bus on the way home and I was touched actually as well as suprised as it was the first time anybody actually really ever cared about me or ever showed any concern and he referred me to the psych doc who was the one who eventually disgnosed me with the Asperger's and the bipolar when I was 45.(I had already known about the depression since I was 13)

It also got me thinking too about my younger cousin S too who is  9 years younger than me and has always admired me and looked up to me when she was younger( why, I don't know and have no idea) just like how I also looked up to my older cousin J( who is also 9 years older than me) when I was growing up( until I was 13 and she got prego and had a baby with a guy who was already married and then I was really disillusioned, disappointed and hurt that my sweet "innocent" "good" example cousin would do  something like that!) that she must be so disappointed in me now; that I ended up being mentally ill and losing my mind as an adult. I still have her on my Facebook now and she's divorced now and has 2 kids herself. The 17 YR old also still only wears long-sleeved shirts and pants( even long heavy sweat shirts and pants in the summer heat!) to cover the scars from her cutting/self-injury from her eating disorder and self-injury 3 years ago all up and down her arms and thighs and I told her it's nothing to be ashamed of though; it's just her battle-scars and shows that she survived;she won  the battle and is stronger than what tried to destroy her and they are reminders that she is a warrior.besides, we all  have scars, it's just that some of them are on the inside and can't always be seen but we all have them.