What Happened?

I'm not sure what it was but something happened with Buddy last night in bed. I don't know if it really actually occurred or not or if it was my imagination and I was just hallucinating and not really seeing what I thought I was but nevertheless the fear WAS indeed very  real and the experience was frightening. Buddy was laying beside me in bed getting ready to fall asleep for the night when I heard him making these alarming grunting noises so I scooped him up and held him in arms and his chest was making jerking motions, like it does when you have hiccups and he went all floppy and unresponsive and I was so afraid I was losing him, that he was dying right there and then in my arms and I hugged and stroked him, whispering into his ear how much I love him adn he's the best dog and the best friend I've ever had and there'll never be another like him and how I  love and have bonded with him like I never have with anyone else in my life and I can't lose him and I sobbed and begged, cried, pleaded and prayed for him not to leave me, or at least asked that he take me with him and he breathed one last final heaving sigh and then went completely limp and I was sure he was dead; I didn't feel any heartbeat or breathing so it had either stopped or was so faint I couldn't feel it and I clutched him and wailed and bawled my eyes out, my heart was bleeding, my sorrow hurt and cut so hard, so deep, and I kept whispering into his ear, I love you! I love you! over and over, burying my face into his fur, almost like a mantra, to let him know how much he's loved as he slips away, and also trying to call him back to me, to help him find his way back  wherever he was out there, and then he started to make faint whining sounds; he heard me! He was starting to respond and come back to me and then he just suddenly startled and wiggled and was awake and aware and was eagerly licking my face and was back and I was just so overcome, overwhelmed, grateful and overjoyed the tears were running down my face and I was thanking God. I don't know what it was and what happened exactly but I'm just so happy he's still here with me today. Was he, perhaps, just merely in a deep sleep and I was having one of my hallucinations again and my mind tricked me into thinking he was dying, or was he having a seizure maybe and "out" of it, or did his heart perhaps momentarily stop and then re-start, or what? Either way, it was terrifying and I'm so relieved, glad, and thankful my best friend is still here with me. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my whole world, my whole life. He's my everything.

It's also soooo unglodly HOT out there ( today going up to 35 C with humidex of 42 C) I could only stand to be outside for 90 minutes yesterday and that was even in the shade! The air is just so thick and heavy it feels like you're breathing thru a straw! This is the absolute worst time/summer to NOT have the pool open, I swear to God, and Toronto had a really bad storm yesterday afternoon torrential rain some 65 mm in just an HR; a month's worth, and downed trees and power lines and even a tornado warning and we had a severe thunderstorm warning too but we never got anything, not even a little rain, even though they're just 2 HRS drive away from us but I guess it just blew over the lake instead of coming over in our direction. The farmers said this heatwave is damaging their crops too so hot so long with no rain, esp. the corn and soy beans and it might all be destroyed if we don't get rain soon. That surprised me,though: I thought they had their own irrigation systems nowadays and didn't have to reply on the weather anymore.

I also took this photo of this weed growing in our (now brown) grass. It reminds me of my happy childhood at the cottage and at camp where I spent my summers up to age 12. It's funny,too, the other day the 17 YR old says she hates camping and she hates the bugs, trees, wood, and grass( basically the outdoors, which I LOVE and I would live outdoors if I could, except not homeless) so I guess her living in a log cabin out in the middle of the woods would be out of the question, and the 13 YR old had his hair cut (finally! First time since the lock-down in March) yesterday at a barber I found and for the first time ever even he was happy with it and didn't come home hiding his hair under his hoodie or a hat and it looks really good and nice and he looks older now and he'll go back again. There was soooo much hair sheared off too it's like shearing a sheep and he has such thick hair there was enough you could have made a couple of wigs for people with cancer from it!