Worry.

After my blog post yesterday when Buddy was trying to shit he let out this really loud painful yelp, like the same one he did 3 or so years ago when his spine was giving him trouble and his leg( the one with the arthritic hip) just gave out from under him and he hobbled over to me as I quickly ran over to him and picked him up soothing and comforting him and even back inside he loudly yelped a few more times in obvious pain and I suspect either his hip or his spine( although it could  have been anything) and it kills me to see him suffering like that and he nuzzled in close to me and looked up at me with sad pleading eyes so I gave him some of my cannabis CBD oil to relieve his pain and within an hour you could see the tension ease from him as he relaxed and fell into a good deep sleep where he remained for most of the day partly in his doggie bed but mostly nestled snug and secure in my arms; I stayed inside with him all day and didn't leave his side all day. He also has hardly eaten in 2 days but at least the bump on his nose is gone so it likely was just a bee or wasp sting and this morning in bed  he kept making these heaving, jerking, lurching movements, sort of like when you're going to puke although nothing came out as well as wheezing sounds and he kept opening his mouth like he was yawning except he wasn't and I fear he's having trouble breathing and it worries me. He is 14 afterall and I worry he doesn't have much time left, esp. when things like this happen it really worries me. I can't lose him; he's my best friend, my only ally; my only reason for living, my everything. I could never put him to "sleep" either as that's murder and I could never kill my best friend; I couln't live with myself and he would feel so betrayed but I will be with him right until the end and do whatever I can to make sure he's comfortable, happy in his last days and knows how much he's loved and he'll always be with me. I pray to God that my next blog post isn't saying goodbye to my best friend. My heart just couldn't take it.