Yesterday was my first time wearing a mask. I swore I would never unless I was desperate and yesterday I was. I had ordered this cool tie-dye one online just in case and I had to go to Wal-Mart and now the Fascist powers-that-be degreed and mandated that everywhere indoors the Sheeple have to wear one and I figured it won't be for long and it'll be like a Commando mission; I'll get my shit and just be in and out quickly so hopefully it won't be too bad as with my breathing issues I can't breathe well normally but with my nose and mouth covered up it'll be even worse....
and it was.
It was awful. Horrible. I was really struggling to breathe and it was all covered up and hot under there and I felt suffocated and dizzy and felt like I was going to pass-out so many times so when I was in an aisle by myself and no one was looking I'd secretly lift the mask up and get in a few much-needed big breaths to keep me going until the next opportunity, sort of like when you swim underwater and it felt to me like it was illegal to breathe and I had to keep doing it covertly. This is just so f*cking ridiculous. I swear am never going to do this ever again.
As for Wal-Mart my flip-flops died and I had to get a new one(luckily they were reducing them off for 5$ a pair but only had small sizes so I had to get it a size smaller) and I was almost out of bladder leakage liners and completely out of frozen dinners( my go-to meal when we run out of food or I need a quick late snack) and wouldn't you know it- with my typical luck that entire section of the frozen food was all empty, the one where my TV dinners are, yet everything else in the frozen food was all still there so I wondered if they'd just moved it so I asked the guy and he said there was a power outage in the store the day before and -of course- it only affected that area; the spot where the dinners I ran out of of and specifically came for were. Of course. I also only had 4 HRS sleep the night before too and I was tired, weary and on the verge of utter collapse and then after all that I was done I couldn't find the car in the parking lot; I forgot where my hubby had parked. I knew the general area so I looked but who knew that there were so many black cars in the big Wal-Mart parking lot and I looked in the vicinity of where I thought it was and didn't see the tell-tale red sticker he has and didn't find it and looked for him sitting in the front seat and none of the black cars had anyone in them....
Oh, shit.
Where the f*ck was he?
It was also raining heavy and I was too exhausted to walk around the entire parking lot looking in every black car so I decided to just sit with my shopping cart outside the front entrance of the store in front of the parking lot under shelter and just wait there figuring he'd see me and so I waited, and waited,and waited, and waited.....
For at least 30 minutes.
I was getting soooo weary(but luckily I had bought some Scottish coffee cakes and a mango yogurt drink so I had that) and also had the worst abdomenal pain The kind of pain you curl up into a ball, rock, clench fists, curl toes,and break out into a cold sweat from the pain so bad it takes your breath away. and back pain and just wanted to go home and sleep and then I was also worried. What should I do? How do I find him? I don't have a cell phone. How long do I sit there and wait? Where is he? Where did he go? I got worried thinking maybe he thought I was taking too long in the store and just left; that he went back home and just ditched me and abandoned me there or even worse; maybe he got an emergency phonecall from home and someone had an accident or medical emergency and he's at the hospital or something? I didn't know what to think but eventually he showed up saying he was there waiting in the car in the same spot he parked all along, that I'm just dumb and didn't remember where it was and continued to berate and belittle me(and I already feel embarrassed and badly enough being stupid and he just makes it even worse and only makes me feel even worse about myself) and snarled, It looks like a YOU problem! and I don't know how you ever managed to get around Toronto! but what he doesn't know is that as long as it was part of my regular routine and I knew where I was going(after lots of initial practice-runs first) I was fine, but if it was somewhere new and unfamiliar I often did get hopelessly lost so many times. Having Asperger's and a perception problem really sucks and really complicates life.
When I finally got home some 2 HRS after I left I had to have a nap I was so tired being awake most of the night with my bad abdomenal pain( which I still had bad all day yesterday and still have today,too) and Buddy came up in bed to nap with me, always by my side, my Heart-Dog, that one special dog that once-in-a-lifetime special dog, and he's the one that gave me, showed me, and taught me unconditional love( and I think that's the purpose of life here on Earth,too; to learn unconditional love and then we return to God) but whenever I'd start to get into a deep sleep he'd bark and wake me up, and I think he was afraid I'd slip into unconsciousness, and our bond and connection is so strong too the other day when he wasn't feeling well and it was hot outside and he was resting on his doggie bed indoors and I was out in the back I had my eyes closed in the sun and I could sense/feel his prescense right next to me; his paws up against my chair as if trying to get my attention and him whimpering, and I opened my eyes sure he was there wanting up, but he wasn't there so I went inside to check on him and he was on his bed and sure enough, he was "calling" me; he'd wanted me to come inside and be with him but he wasn't well enough to come all the way outside and get me. and so I came in and stayed with him to keep him company. We have such a special bond.
Now with the over-blown "pandemic" Police State rules they're also forcing people who go to recently-opened bars and restaurants to provide "contact tracing" which is your name, address, and phone number which I think is intrusive and the modern-day version of Show me your papers! and what I would just do instead is just give a fake name, address and number, like I used to do all the time years ago for other reasons, and besides, it's a bar or restaurant, it's not like they're going to know it's not your real name or address anyway. If you want to stay off the "radar", not be found, evade someone or something, be anonymous, go "underground", hide, or find "loopholes" around invase intrusive gov't authorities or mandates there is always a way.
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