Bleeding.

Yesterday morning there was blood on my bedsheets from where Buddy sneezed and a few other times yesterday he was also bleeding from his nose,too. He was on his cushion outside in the shade when the 25 YR old came out and noticed blood on the cushion and told me, with alarm and concern in his voice, He's hurt! so I rushed over and saw he had blood dripping out from one of his nostrils so I picked him up and cleaned him off with a tissue and it happened a couple of other times too and he also sneezed out a small bloodclot as well(but seems fine otherwise; going for his walks, eating, playing, wagging his tail for me, but he is sleeping alot more), and this breaks my heart as bloody noses in dogs usually indicates a nasal tumour,as in nasal cancer, common in long-nosed breeds such as Dachshunds and he is  14 1/2. My heart just sank and I just knew. I had thought so all along, and he did tell me last summer that he had cancer but I didn't want to believe it, and even so, I still hold on to a slim hope that maybe, just maybe it still could be something else, like a sinus issue or a harmless nasal polyp (or maybe he has a clotting disorder like low platelets which is not good,either)but my heart tells me otherwise, and lately he has been grunting, snorting and snoring alot, as if there is some sort of blockage in his nose and he sneezes all the time,too and his snot smells just revolting, and maybe it's just an infection or congestion, I keep telling myself because I just can't accept the other possibility and I'm not ready to let him go(I never will be) and I remember before when I first got him 6 years ago his nose was a brown colour and now it's black and change of colour can indicate a cancer, and sometimes he just looks up at me with those big sad, tired eyes like he's so weary.... he's the BEST  thing to ever  happen to me in my entire life and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and we have a special connection and I've never bonded with anyone like I have with him, we're soul-mates; he is my entire life and reason for living and why I keep going and without him I'll have nothing left to live for and I'l miss the contact and comfort of him nestled into me in bed at night, or on the couch or outside on the recliner; his warm little body entangled in my legs, pressed up against my back or curled up in my belly with my knees drawn up around him, or laying on my chest breathing with the rhythym of my heart beat.......he's given me so much love, light, and joy I've never experienced before or even thought possible. All I can do now is just enjoy whatever time we still have left together and hope I'm wrong about this and we still have more time....

We also always have this one wet towel on the top of the pile of towels in the bathroom in the cabinet on the main floor and I had always assumed the sink pipes must be leaking and that's why the one at the top was always wet...but as it turned out, it was because the 25 YR old uses a towel for his shower and instead of putting it in the washing machine to get clean like any other normal person would do he just tosses it back in the cabinet, wet, so the one on the top is always wet.....so that's why; it's his used wet one! So the good news is there's no leak at least, the bad news is he's a lazy slob! My mother's blood sugar was also 17 ( it should be under 10) as she ate a donut even though she knows better but she never follows her diabetic diet/ healthy lifestyle even though as a former medical professional you'd think she'd know better and it's like a role-reversal; I'm the one always telling her what to eat/not to eat and to get outside to get fresh air and sun/vitamin K and to take better care of herself; the child telling the parent instead of the other way around because I  care more about her health than she does, and yesterday she scoffed sarcastically, it's a good thing I have YOU here to remind me!

Our travel agent also sent me an e-mail about a great 1 week cruise for next fall in the Caribbean (incl. Jamaica; my spiritual homeland where I desperately need to go back to and get some beach therapy to heal my life) and a couple of other places I've been to and a couple I haven't yet been to ( Costa Rica and Belize) and it's all for just over 1000$ incl. lots of onboard bonuses and perks and I seriously want to go if only I can somehow get the $$$ as it's a great deal( normally would be 2-3 K) and when I said I really need the break; the peace of quiet of just getting away on my own without anyone to bother me or constantly being told how stupid, useless, annoying, hated, unwanted, and what a "druggie" I am, etc. my mother chorlted how with me gone there Won't be any yelling so they get a break too and I reminded her that she yells and complains alot more than I do so unless she's gone,too it won't be quiet. I'm just sooo done with the whole bunch of them and if I didn't have Asperger's and bipolar and I could survive living on my own I wouldn't hesitate to leave as soon as I possibly could and move out on my own as far away as possible from them, across the other side of the world, and never look back.