Stumpy.

Yesterday 3  guys (I dubbed TreeBoys) came and cut down our huge majestic rotting mulberry tree. At first one of them called the night before asking if he could come by early in the morning to have a look at it and I said It's a tree; it's outside, you can come by and take a look whenever you want and we thought it was just to access but they were here to work. They charged the least of the 3 estimates; 1200$ and took it in cash and so my hubby went to the bank and withdrew it, making me wonder where in the hell did he get it from? I think he must have secret hidden $$$$ squirreled away that my mother and I don't know about..... 

It took them 4 hours to bring it down and it came down hard, with a deafening THUD! and even left a dent on the lawn where the biggest parts fell. They guy said it was 50-60 years old and just rotted because it was old, like us getting cancer, and it was just "its time". I'm sad to see it go though and will really miss it and will miss picking ripe fresh warm mulberries off it as I walk by.

I can imagine kids coming home from school yesterday too walking by and saying, I could have sworn there was a tree there this morning.... and now the black walnut tree stands alone, wondering what happened to his friend, and I also wonder how many squirrel and bird nests were evicted when the tree went down, and the guy said it was leaning hard with most of it's weight bearing on our roof too and eroding away on our shingles and it's good they took it down when they did or else soon we'd need a new roof which costs at least 20K and we don't exactly have 20K laying around.....although with my hubby who knows.....maybe he does that we don't know about....maybe he even has one of those offshore accounts like some of my relatives do....

This is all that's left of it now.

Look how empty and bare the sky looks now without it. A sad sight but we get more sunlight in the livingroom now.

Stumpy. It's as high as my waist now.

Today all of a sudden my rib pain is much better and it's been a week yet I had a revelation before that just before I die I'll see a rainbow, a Monarch butterfly and hear Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven which I have all  of them for the past 4 days in a row, so it seems contradictory; the "signs" are all there, indicating it's near, and my sunflower is dying now,too, perhaps also symbolic; we die together, yet my rib pain is better....Buddy, however, seems worse: it's obvious he's lost alot of weight and yesterday he was hiding under the couch and today his limping is really bad and he just looks in rough shape; you can see it in his face and in his eyes. I just know  he has cancer, just like he did tell  me last summer but I just didn't want to believe it and kept trying to tell myself it was just my imagination, but he's my entire life and the only thing in this world that I live for as well as the only one that loves me; I can't lose him.The love of my life is a Dachshund named Buddy. He is my best friend, my soul-mate, my ally, my confidante, my side-kick, my co-pilot, my shadow, the best thing to ever happen to me. He taught me, showed me, and gave me unconditional love, friendship,and trust. When he dies I die too, but I'm ready; I feel so lost lately anyway I don't even know who I am anymore or what I believe, and I can feel my mental illness getting much worse,too and I have no support, and no one loves me except for him; not even my own family; not my mother, not my hubby, not even my own kids. Without him I will be truly and utterly alone. He really is all I have and all that keeps me going.Without him I would be utterly shattered and destroyed.I'm a fighter but without him I give up. He is my anchor that keeps me grounded so I don't drift away completely.