Happy Birthday!!

Happy 65th birthday to Billy Idol, one of my all-time faves. from when I was in high school and still is. One of the things on my Bucket List is to see him live in concert. Maybe some day still, who knows.....

 

Chuckle For Today.

This is soooo me, and I'm just the passenger!

 

Poor Baby!!

Later yesterday Buddy was yelping in pain again and arching his back and curling his tail dowwards, indicating severe pain and in doing so he also did a turd on the livingroom carpet and one on the kitchen floor, something he doesn't normally do unless he has diarrhrea so my guess is either the pain reflex was just too strong and when he was flexing and clenching his abdomenal muscles up in pain the turds just came out or he's losing control if his muscles in paralysis if he has spinal issues which are very common in older Dachshunds but the surgery for disc issues costs a whopping 3-4 K, and even though I love him more than anything in life and I'd do anything for him I just don't have  the $$$$ but I do what I can, incl. giving him the heating pad and CBD oil to control the pain and if it's abdomenal maybe he's just got a log-jam and he's all bunged up as yesterday he did shit 4 times outside so maybe he's just constipated or has bad gas pain or something? It was a nice 9 C yesterday and sunny so we got to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather and the 26 YR old told the 13 YR old to stop teasing Buddy as he's dying and added, This time it's me saying it; not just Mama and the 17 YR old scolded me for not "putting him down" and just "watching him suffer"(I'm not watching him suffer; I control his pain, like Palliative care) but I just can't KILL my best friend; I couldn't live with myself; my conscience just won't allow it,and if I did I know I'd come right back home from the vet's and commit suicide because I couldn't handle it. He'll die when he's ready, when it's his Time and not before. It's not up to me to decide when he( or anyone else) dies and she excuses it "wouldn't be me doing it; the vet's doing it" but it would still be my doing; it's like when you hire an assassin to kill someone; sure you're not the one actually killing them but it's still due to you and you're still complicit. When I said I don't know how I'm going to live without him the 13 YR old also shrugged to "just get another dog that looks exactly like him" but it's NOT that "easy"; he's NOT "replacable"; he's the best dog and the best friend I've ever had as well as the best thing to ever happen to me and that just can't be "replaced". He is a one-of-a-kind and has brought a whole new love, light, joy,and healing into my life I've never had before. He is my whole life and without him I'll have nothing left anymore.

Yesterday and today my balance is all really "off" too and I'm really dizzy and keep tipping over to the left side and keep staggering around  and my brain is even more "foggy" than usual and I struggle to find the right words and my arthritis is even worse too and every single joint in my body hurts so much I can hardly even move and I still have the back and abdomenal pain,too. I wish  I could be  euthanized.

 

Pondering For The Day.

 

My Poor Boy!

The day before yesterday at Midnight poor Buddy was yelping in pain for 3 HRS, until 3 am and earlier he was arching his back and had his tail curling downwards, a sign of severe pain in either his spine oe abdomen and dogs normally try and hide their pain so to be so vocal like that shows how bad the pain really was. It just broke my heart hearing his helpless yelps of pain and I snuggled him close and even took him out to go to the bathroom at 1 am in case he had cramps and had to shit but he didn't. I ended up giving him CBD oil and once it hit he eventually went to sleep at 3 am but neither of us got much sleep that night and I was so worried just like when one of the kids is sick or hurt. He was pretty good all day yesterday and his tail was back to wagging again( and I have him on strict bed rest to recover,too) but in the evening he was showing signs of pain again and when I asked him where it hurt he said his belly(but he's still eating, which is a good sign and no vomiting and still has gurgling and other bowel sounds, ruling out an obstruction) and when I touched his abdomen he flinched and yelped so I put the heating pad on it which soothed him and he settled off to sleep curled up in my arms and also more CBD oil before bed and he slept thru the night. I also notice his abdomen is swollen and big and bruised too so maybe he does have a tumour of some sort in there or some internal bleeding or something(although when he shit yesterday there was no blood), poor guy and the CBD oil I gave him is just 1% THC( the part of weed that gets you high) and 20% CBD( the pain killer) so he doesn't get stoned; it just takes away his pain. My family always berates me for my medical marijuana use too but it's better being a stoner than a drunk and they forget I wasn't always like this,either; before all my medical issues started at 45( started with my gallbladder which I had removed) I was practically Super Mom and I did everything  myself when they were younger and both my hubby and mother worked; I did all the cooking, cleaning, childcare, homeschooling, etc. all on my own for decades but I guess they conveniently "forgot" that part and just concentrate on what I can no longer do now.

It was weird yesterday too: the left side of my face was all weird: behind the left eye hurt and under the left cheek and the left side of my nose was numb and felt all blocked and I couldn't smell out of it(I still can't) but only the one side; the right side was fine and if it was a cold or some other virus it would have affected both sides(maybe I have a sinus tumour or something?) and also my left ear was achy too so I did ear candling  to relieve the pain but I guess wax must have got in because now it feels all clogged and I can't hear out of that ear now! I also shopped and got Christmas gifts as this year I actually have $$$$ now I've been closely watching my finances since I found out my mother's been stealing my $$$$ and I had 200$ left over after paying the bills and when I brought the receipt back she even tried to charge me for the food (olive oil, yogurt, frozen food, etc) I bought,too, even though I pay the bills I don't pay for food!) trying once again to rip me off and she asked if I bought anything for the 24 and 21 YR old's boyfriends too but I only got gifts for my own family; I'm limited in finances and I don't even know them or what they like and 200$ only goes so far(I remember the Old Days when I had  $$$ and I used to spend 200$ on each present) and I have lots of people to buy for so everyone was limited to 10-15$ each and I didn't get anything for the 24 YR old as every single year she makes a point of getting gifts for everyone except me which is a deliberate mean cruel snub and really hurtful and even 2 years ago when I cleaned out my purses and pockets and had $$$$ and was able to buy presents I still got her something anyway yet last year she still gave out gifts to everyone except me, she still hasn't changed so I figure screw her, not worth my effort if she's going to be like that; who needs it. I feel badly I don't have more $$$ to spend but whenever I get gifts for my family they never appreciate it anyway( like when I got them souvenirs in Jamaica they never even wore them, for example so I just wasted my $$$) so why should I go out of my way for those ingrates or feel badly about it?

I also heard the PM say that when the Corona virus vaccines become available he's appointed a military guy to be in charge of distribution and if that doesn't scream totalitarianism, Martial Law, New World Order, Police State etc. I don't know what does, and when you exit a store it's funny to see everyone rip off their masks for air as soon as they leave and it reminds me of as soon as you get home taking your bra off.....ahhhh....freedom..... and something's not right how they shut down stores and restaurants in certain areas either claiming the "danger" is too high yet schools still remain open.....either there's a danger or there's not....which one is it? It wouldn't surprise me either if part of the agenda behind the fear mongering in this so-called "pandemic" is to control the stock markets so that certain businesses profit and to make others fail. People think I'm crazy too because I talk to my dog and he answers but it's just that I'm an Empath and Empaths commonly do communicate with animals and often feel a closer connection to animals than they do with people and I saw something on Quora  that perfectly describes me, and my life and my experience in life  and how I feel,too:

They certainly wouldn’t understand the constant underpinnings of inadequacy, the misplaced identity, the itchy feeling of not being understood, the anxiety of never fitting in anywhere else, or the constant fear of slipping back to that dark place.

 

Today's Laff.

Not today though.

 

Sayings For Saturday.

Or a box of chocolates.

I think I found my Christmas lights!

I bet it tastes like ass!

Absolutely!

I always assumed Ken was gay....