Gutted.

Yesterday the 26 YR old was trying to "enlighten" me on how I was wrong about the Corona virus theory and he was right ( because he's such a know-it-all and thinks he's the expert in everything and has to educate us dumber ones, just like my hubby does) being condescending and belittling and then he eventually just shook his head and gave up sighing now he Knows what K (his ex- GF) feels like working with retarded kids! and that really hurt and cut deep and just gutted  me and I just felt so ashamed and embarrassed and I was so humiliated and at that very moment everything just "shifted" and I no longer was able to see him the same way anymore and I lost respect for him. He had always been one I was close to but after that something inside me just broke and I realized that he's just the same as the others; they all treat me like shit, have no respect or even common human decency and always make fun of me, berate and insult me, and then the 17 YR old also added that She's crazy!  and that I Must have been 'brainwashed' by God and the 2 of them started laughing at me. It really hurt and felt like a knife in my back.They also blame me for my medical issues and hate me for being sick and just excuse it as being 'lazy". Even my own family, my own kids bully me and call me names just like the bullies in school did. I just can't seem to get away from it, and to add to it when they mock, ridicule, and put me down and I stand up to them my mother and hubby turn it around and blame me, accusing me of being too sensitive, not being able to take a 'joke', not having a 'sense of humour',  etc. but it's not a "joke" and it's not "funny"; it's bullying and it's mean! As for the kids, I hate to say it but I really don't even like some of them because I don't like the people they've become; they're simply NOT nice people.

The 21 YR old also thinks she found something that made her think her life's a "lie" even though there's more to the story she doesn't know  and somethings are kept secret for a reason and can never be told and are best left in the past, never to be revealed and to stay hidden and buried in the past for a good reason and there are just some things I have for myself about my past that no one will ever know, not even the kids or even my hubby I will keep even to my dying day and will never reveal even under torture and that's just the way it is. When you start "digging" where you're not supposed to you un-earth things are are meant to stay buried and sometimes there are just things you're not supposed to know. She also got a package delivered from her ex-BF's father which I find odd and I wondered if it might be a letter bomb as a sort of a punishment esp. since his mother and sister took it really hard and even cried as they saw her as part of their family, and before you laugh it off as some weird crank idea I know of a world where things like that DO happen and I can still remember my friend who had a bomb placed under his car and had a Molotov Cocktail thrown thru the window of his house( luckily he and his family were fine and escaped and left the country) so it is always a possibility .....

I also heard Jacob Roloff (from the TV show Little People, Big World  revealed he was molested from age 10-13 by one of the show's producers and when I told my mother she asked, How come he never told anybody until now? (he's 23)  and as a childhood sexual abuse survivor myself( molested by a relative from age 4-12) I know exactly why and I told her; I told her it's shameful and also because of how people react:like when I told her: her first response was:

Why didn't you stop him?

Yeah.......riiiiight... I was a little kid!  He was older, bigger, and much stronger than I was; how was I able to stop him exactly? It was VICTIM BLAMING!! It wasn't my fault; I was a little KID; I was the VICTIM, I didn't do anything wrong and have nothing to BE ashamed of. THAT'S why people don't tell. The first person I told was my hubby when I was 21 (my mother didn't even know) he was the first person I trusted enough to open up to(and also had to explain why I was so scared sexually) and what did he DO with that sacred information? Betray  that trust and use it against me in court a few years later trying to get custody by telling his sister and the 2 of them told the court since I  was molested as a kid I must be molesting my own kids,too, which was a big fat lie and just shattered me and broke any trust I ever had in him. That's why people don't tell. Now it's "out" I freely can talk about it as it's more like a "therapy" and more common to discuss nowadays but back then it wasn't exactly something that you went around telling people. Not even my closest friends or my mother knew. I learned early that there are just certain things you don't tell people, that you just keep to yourself, to protect yourself from getting hurt even more by their reactions. I know my family ridicules me for everything, for example, so if I know they'll use something against me and only make fun of me, why would I tell them anything they can use against me only to make me feel even worse?