Our Christmas.

On Christmas Eve I snuck a piece of the pumpkin pie but no one noticed luckily. Here I am in the photo with my best friend wearing the nice warm snuggly hoodie my hubby got me and it's perfect as I'm always so cold and shivering and freezing. We finally got a bit of snow overnight but it's too little too late now as Christmas is over now. As excepted I never got anything from the 24 YR old who gave to everyone except me but I wouldn't except anything different from her and I just consider where it comes from her and that's just the way she is. What did really hurt though is for the second year in the row the 17 YR old  never gave me a gift,either, and she and I used to be so close when she was little and all I ever did was love her and support her even through her eating disorder where I took the brunt of her abuse I still pushed thru and despite my own pain to make sure she got thru it. Of everyone it was the 21 YR old's BF who also got the most gifts and this year's "theme" seemed to be, "You're going to hate it....." but of course no one really actually did and squealed with delight opening their gifts.

This outrageous thing is a tittie mug the 26 YR old got from the second-oldest( who joined our gift opening by video from Vancouver) and all the gifts this year under the tree ended up being wrapped in red and white paper so they all matched and my hubby always dawdles and makes things last alot longer than they have to because he's just so picky and anal-retentive and everything has to always be done in a "certain way" and he took forever handing out the gifts as it had to be done in a "certain order" and it took over 2 hours and went late and we were late eating as a result and everyone was starving. The 21 YR old's BF also wore his mask indoors in the house even though none of the rest of us did and kept his shoes on too even though we take our shoes off in the house, and I attemptede to join in at the dinner conversation at the table too and my hubby quickly shot me down with his icy glare that means You're not part of this! This doesn't concern YOU! We weren't talking to YOU! so I never said anything else after that and it hurts to realize that I an non-essential in my family and when I called the 17 YR old "out" I don't recall seeing a gift from you..... she stammered awkwardly, Awww. you know... and snuck away, but actually, no, I don't know,and it's not like she doesn't have any $$$$ esp. since she does have a job and she managed to have enough $$$ to buy for everyone else. Last year her excuse was she "couldn't find anything I like"...yeah...really? I find it hard to believe she couldn't find anything hippo, sunflower, or Dachshund themed....I have no idea why they treat me like this!

Here are my gifts: a small box of 9 chocolates from both the second-oldest and 19 YR old combined, a mere trinket compared to what everyone else got, a box of chocolates from my mother, the hoodie from my hubby and an alien smoking a doobie insence holder. from the 26 YR old( when I already have one and I'm NOT a fan of aliens or Sci-Fi) and the exact same coconut bath and body set I got last year from the 21 YR old. I was also tempted to ask the 24 YR old why she purposely excludes me(and at Christmas at all times,too!) but I never did because I don't want her to know it bothers me as much as it does and I don't want to give her the satisfaction  so I just pretend like I never even noticed. I'm not going to give her that "power" over me or show weakness. Never let them see you cry. The 13 YR old also yelled at me to shut up!!! when I reminded him about his chores and I told him to not be so disrespectful and then my mother jumps in(like she always does, taking over) and yells at me and blames me  not to "start any trouble" and "not say anything and just be 'nice'" on Christmas....not saying a thing to him about how he was talking to me which started the whole thing. My friend T(from the old church and who also owns the bakery) father died suddenly yesterday morning at age 80 and she's devastated and it was in the news too as he used to be a city Councilman too and unlike me, he was well-loved by his family and I just feel sooo badly for her and her family(I know them all) and I just can't stop thinking about them. So sad.

The 24 YR old not only wears her Goth, all-black, skulls, chains, spiked collars, etc, looking like a Hallowe'en decoration but now has taken it too far and wore black upside-down Cross earrings, which is a symbol of Black Mass and Satanism, and on Christmas  of all days! The other 3 girls also( dressing up for dinner) wore these reaaaalllly short black  micro-mini dresses and hooker shoes and I almost had a heart-attack! I heard them say as they came downstairs,Let's go downstairs and get yelled at! so they know how I feel about it, that it upsets me and I don't approve of my girls looking like streetwalkers and I know they're adults now and can do what they want but can't they at least have the decency out of respect NOT dress like that when they come back home to visit? The 24 YR old dressed up in a black suit with red tie with her hair slicked back and looked like a dude but I'd take that over a slut any day.The 19 YR old even said she's had 3 stalkers  too( which is dangerous and scary!!) and even had to change her social media accounts and even move! At least that's the good thing about me being ugly; I don't have to worry about anyone becoming obsessed with me or stalking me.

The 26 YR old wearing a new hoodie he got as a gift from one of the kids(I can't remember who) and when I said Cool shirt!  everyone laughed and I had no idea why but as it turns out it's some anime porn  thing, and Buddy got a gift,too, another stuffy squeaky toy and he was sooo exhausted after such a busy day too he missed his nap(me,too!) and was just so wiped-out, and the 19 YR old said she spends a whopping 3K a year on coffee at Starbucks,too! Holy shit! That's even more than I spend on my medical marijuana! She's always been a Diva though, My hubby also puts 5$ bills in wrapped toilet paper rolls and hands them out but there's also one woth a 20$ inside and *I*  actually got it this year! I NEVER get it as I have the worst luck and when I puuled it out I couldn't believe it! Hopefully it's a sign of better things to come and after enduring Christmas with my family I had to go off and smoke a Big Fatty, and I am me and I won't change me for them, and I never change; I simplybecome more myself, and I had weird dreams,too: one I was on a ventilator, one I was in a huge field of hundreds of lilac bushes, one my lava lamp exploded and there was hot sticky goo all over, and another I was assassinated and as copoius amounts of blood poured out of my abdomen and I started feeling light-headed, weak, cold and fading away I knew I was dying. I was disappointed, excluded, and hurt as  well  as always on Christmas too but I was also expecting  it and bracing for it and preparing for it so it wasn't quite as bad and I just figure they're not worth it.