Uncle COVID.

Yesterday I saw on the news this guy:  Uncle COVID. It's from a commercial in Alberta trying to convince people NOT to have family and friends over for Christmas which I don't agree with but I thought the character was hilarious! It's one of the funniest things I've seen lately and I cracked up and laughed my ass off! I love it! The Edmonton Boys were also invited for Christmas too ( because, you know, Christmas is about family gathering together as well as the obvious) but they declined as they don't want to be stuck forced wearing a mask for 4-5 hours on an airplane and I can't say that I blame them. I wouldn't,either. I can barely even last a few minutes in Wal-Mart (which is now even shut down due to an outbreak there) to get a few supplies and even when I do I sneak off to an empty aisle where no one can see me and quickly lift the mask up so I can breathe. Today when I woke up and washed my face I saw my sad self in the mirror too and noticed my lips were blue-ish and my skin is yellow. I also have this big pimple or boil(I can't see it, just feel it and that sucker really hurts!) in-between my cooch and my arse for the past few days I keep trying to squeeze and today I finally had success! Yay!

My cousin M also said his kidney function is now down to 11% (and he's just about 11 years younger than I am) and once it goes down to 10% he needs dialysis and has to go on the transplant list,just like his  father( also my cousin) and my kidneys are failing too so it really makes me wonder if there's some genetic component going on here, and I'm so exhausted and out of breath now every time I go up or down the stairs I can hardly even breathe and it feels like I just climbed a mountain my fatigue is so bad, and my breathing issues and no energy, yet my family just jeers and says I'm "lazy"  and it's hurts as well to realize that other people always meant alot more to me than I ever did to them.

Buddy also has even more blood in his shit and he's sleeping alot more yet he's still eating and playing with his toys which is a good sign but I worry so much about him and he'll be 15 in 2 months and I fear he doesn't have much time left and it breaks my heart to even think about it as he's my entire life, my world, my everything; he's the reason I get up every morning and he depends on me and needs me and he's my only companion and love and the only one that loves me and I need someone to care for and dote on and when he's gone I'll have nothing left anymore and no purpose and no reason to live anymore, not to mention the tremendous sorrow and grief of losing my best friend on top of that, and I wish I could re-live the 1970's and 1980's again, when I was happy, and my fondest childhood memory is horseback riding bare-back thru an open field; that's what freedom felt like, as well as floating on my back in the ocean, looking up at the sky, letting the waves gently carry me away, with no stress or worries.

You know how the other day my brother-in-law dismissed and belittled my depression and I told him off? Now he de-friended me on Facebook  over it! Can you believe it? What an asshole. There used to be a time where I would just take the bullying and ridicule and insults and just ignore it and hope it goes away but then I finally reached a point where I'd had enough and figured I don't deserve to be treated like that (no one does) and I started standing up for myself and letting my voice be heard and I haven't looked back. My hubby says I have 'attitude'  but I just stick up for myself and don't take anybody's shit anymore. He also said years ago he had a valuable hockey card and comic book collection but when one of his nephews was a teen he stole them to buy drugs( he has since disowned him) and now he just found out that one of the hockey cards sold for over a MILLION$ and he had two of those exact same ones! Shit! He also says the 24 YR old is the "most religious" of all the kids too which surprises me and is kind of ironic and contradicts  as well since she's the one who only ever wears all black and Goth with skulls and chains and looks like a Halloween decoration and Goth-style borders on the Satanic, and I think getting stores giving employees 100$ bonus is good and I'd be happy with it and then he told me one of his friends used to get 10K for his  Christmas bonus at his old job! Whoa! That's beyond awesome!