Today's Thought.

 

24 HRS.

In the past 24 HRS  since my last blog post I froze my ass off outside; it's the third day in a row with a wind-chill of - 25 C ( even the regular temp is still -18 C which is still bad enough) and it's one of those days it's so cold that it takes even longer to bundle up getting dressed for the cold to walk my dog than it takes actually being outside; he just quickly does his thing and runs back inside where it's warm and this morning  it was so cold by the time he had both did a pee and a shit standing on the snow for so long his poor little paws were frozen he could hardly even stand up any longer and I had to pick him up and wipe the snow off his feet and carry him back his little feet were so cold! I have tried putting boots on him before to keep his feet warm so he's not stepping on the snow or on the rock salt on the sidewalks which hurts his feet but he wasn't having any of it. I'm so hard-core I'm still out there smoking my weed though despite the cold, I just have to wear my armour to battle the winter cold: 2 shirts under my cozy Oodie  hoodie(I found out my friend F in Toronto also has one; he probably got it got as a Christmas gift,too?), 2 pairs of socks, flannel pants, mitts, wool hat, parka, warm Mukkluks(boots)etc. dress in layers and battle the cold but it is hard to try and keep my spliff lit when the howling wind keeps blowing it out and it's on days like this that I wish my family let me smoke inside.

I also heard on the Toronto news there was a fatal fire ( 4 people died and 5 or 6 escaped) in a house on Gainsborough Rd. and that was in the same area where I used to live and, in fact, the exact same  street that I had 7 or 8 friends growing up that all lived on that street so I wonder if it was anyone I knew, esp. as their parents would likely still be living in the same childhood home? Holy shit, I sure hope not! They never said the identities on the news but since I knew alot of families on that street it is possible....The second-oldest also got a new job in graphic arts and animation which is what she has her degree in and it's full-time too which will be good as currently she has 3 part-time jobs, and the oldest has joined the Reddit folks  investing in GameStop or GameShop or GameStore or whatever the heck it's called and he has a university degree in Business & Finance too which should be helpful as he knows about investing.

Buddy also had swelling under the scab on his face and when I touched it he winced in pain and some pus oozed out so I gently poked a tiny hole in it to drain out and then I cleaned it, dis-infected it and put some antibiotic ointment on it so it doesn't get infected  and he keeps rubbing it so it must be itchy, and I figured out once the youngest moves out for school it's likely my hubby will leave too(we're only together for the kids) I'll apply for disabily to get an income and no doubt I'll qualify with my depression, Asperger's, bipolar, and social phobia, and even my Rheumatoid Arthritis, there's no way I can work, and it also covers the full cost of all medication and travel to and from medical appt's so I won't have to worry about transportation, either, and it will cover everything my hubby currently does, and on just Friday he ordered 50 feet of ethernet wire or cable or whatever it's called for his office too and it arrived yesterday; so fast, even on a weekend, and I think I finally figured out who stole that 200$ or so my mother had saved up for the 19 YR old before she moved a couple of years ago back,too: it must have been the 17 YR old because for over a month now her allowance for doing chores has been left on the table  she never picked up and yet that $$$ has been sitting there this entire time and yet no one else stole it....and she wouldn't steal her own  $$$$ yet no one else has either and it's still there.....so it must have been her that took it the other time otherwise why wouldn't this $$$ have disappeared, too?

 

Daily Laff.

 

Travel Ban.

As if it wasn't a Police State enough before with all the "pandemic" restrictions, mandates, lockdowns, etc, but now both the provincial and federal gov'ts have a travel ban ,too(even though travel only accounts for 1-2 % of the Corona virus cases), and have prohibited airlines from flying out of this country to the sunny tropical destination spots(such as the Caribbean) people typically go to in the winter to get away until at least the end of April (and by then winter is over,anyway) so basically efectively banning all tropical winter travel, so now everyone is stuck  in this tyranical shithole lockdown and can't even get away, plus on top of that they ordered that all international arrivals into the country incl. returning travellers must get a mandatory Corona virus test at the airport upon arrival and are forced  to quarantine at a certain hotel under guard costing 2K of their own expense! It sounds more like jailed to me! WTF? This is seriously a violation of our rights and freedoms, such as the right of mobility; now we can't even leave the country; it's like North Korea or something! I wonder what a bunch of my cousins are going to do; they've booked 2 cruises again; one for later this year and one for next year? They fly out of Buffalo though as it costs much less( half as much!) as it does flying out of here and they even said on the news that Canadians pay the highest airfares in the world( it's the same for cell phones.) We're always getting ripped-off! This place sucks  and now we can't even leave  and are just stuck here!!

My friend T ( in Ottawa) says people that travel in this time are "selfish" too but I don't think so; they just need a break and need to get away from all this insanity and all this Big Brother banning, regulating, controlling, mandating, and over-seeing everything, so tightly micro-managing and intruding into every aspect of our lives, and my idea is just to by-pass it;there's almost always a loophole, you just have to find it; in this case flights still are allowed to USA for example, so what I'd do (if I had the $$$) is book a flight to Miami, for example, and then from Miami book another one to Jamaica and just continue on from there, so that Jamaica is my final destination, but as far as the authorities here know they think I'm just going to Florida. The same for large gatherings and the police fining people for having morre than  their own household members in their homes: still have guests over but just tell them to park their cars in various other locations and not in your driveway or on your street so that nosey parkers won't notice and be suspicious and report you. It's all about being careful, knowing what to do, finding ways around the restrictions, evading the authorities, and still  maintaining your freedom underground. LIVE FREE OR DIE!!!!

It's sooooo bone-chilling cold the past 2 days -25 C with wind-chill I call them Burrow Days; days where you just burrow under every single blanket you have trying to keep warm all day, kind of like hibernating, and I still have what I call my Partime Cold  where 2/3 3/4 of the time the left side of my nose is always blocked and I'm stuffy and congested....but only on that one side....and it's not a sinus infection as that would be both sides and I don't have any thick smelly nasal discharge, just clear, so maybe it's nasal polyps or something or maybe even a tumour, and the thought occurred to me the other day too that dying is like taking a photo-click- in an instant the image is transformed into another realm. My hubby also decided to move his home office from the basement to the sewing room upstairs; to switch the rooms(he always needs some sort of big project to work on to keep him busy) as it's a bigger and warmer room) and yesterday when my mother ran out of coffee he quickly ran to the store to buy her more but I'm also running out of my drink too and when I reminded him to pick up mine he brushed it off and snapped, I know what you want. Shut up about it already!  and isn't in any hurry and doesn't care if I run out and get dehydrated. She should have been his mother, not mine.

I do still have it.. underneath of my every day activities even though it's been suppressed for so long. She's still under there somewhere, hidden there someplace. She never left. She's just watching and waiting.

 

Pondering For Today.

 

10Things I Want To Do Before I Die.

10 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. Travel again. I want to travel again, and esp. go back to Jamaica, my spiritual home and smoke a doobie on the beach and watch the sun set, sitting under a palm tree. To me that is pure Heaven.

2. Get laid.  I want to have sex again. With an actual person, not just a vibrator. It's been 14 years and I have needs,too. I also really miss the human touch, the skin-to-skin contact, someone just holding me in their arms.

3. Swim in the ocean. I want to be able to swim in the ocean again. To float along the top looking up at the sky and have the waves just carry me away, to dig my feet in the sand and feel it squishing in-between my toes. To snorkel , and to dive deep down and look at all the fish and coral, tanning on the beach.

4, Go to a concert. I haven't been to a rock concert in so long due to the lockdown and I really miss seeing live music. There are still so many bands I would love to see perform live.

5. Do something that makes me feel pretty, or at least feel good about myself. Self explanatory.

6. Visit a hippo. Most likely the one at the Toronto zoo although on safari in Africa or at an animal sanctuary in Africa would be preferable though.

7. Find true love in a romantic way. This is the one that will least likely ever happen. I'm just too ugly and too broken to ever be loved.

8. Find old friends. I have re-connected with several old friends on Facebook but there still are a few special ones I'm looking for that I am still unable to find I'd like to be able to re-connect with and to see how their lives ended up.

9. Try a weighted blanket. These are supposed to work wonders for those on the Spectrum and I've always wanted to try it and see if it helps calm anxiety but they're just soooo expensive, like 100$-200$ and I can't justify spending that much $$$ on a blanket and I really don't have the $$$$. Before when I used to have  $$$ I'd think nothing of it and just toss it in my shopping cart but now it's such a extravagance!!

10. Get answers. get answers to all the questions that plague me: What did I ever do that was so bad that my kids hate me? Why was I cursed with so much bad luck, misfortune, trauma, crisis, unhappiness, misery, etc. in my life? Is it a punishment? a test? a curse? what? Why did my life have to be so hard? Why could I never find happiness and love? Why did everyone I ever love, trust, or care about always betray me? Why did I have to be burdened with so many issues? Why did I have to be so ugly? Why did so-and-so and this-and-that have to happen? What did I ever do to "deserve" it all? What is the purpose of my life? etc. 

 

 

Larf For The Day.

 

Thursday Thoughts.

Peasants!