10Things I Want To Do Before I Die.

10 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. Travel again. I want to travel again, and esp. go back to Jamaica, my spiritual home and smoke a doobie on the beach and watch the sun set, sitting under a palm tree. To me that is pure Heaven.

2. Get laid.  I want to have sex again. With an actual person, not just a vibrator. It's been 14 years and I have needs,too. I also really miss the human touch, the skin-to-skin contact, someone just holding me in their arms.

3. Swim in the ocean. I want to be able to swim in the ocean again. To float along the top looking up at the sky and have the waves just carry me away, to dig my feet in the sand and feel it squishing in-between my toes. To snorkel , and to dive deep down and look at all the fish and coral, tanning on the beach.

4, Go to a concert. I haven't been to a rock concert in so long due to the lockdown and I really miss seeing live music. There are still so many bands I would love to see perform live.

5. Do something that makes me feel pretty, or at least feel good about myself. Self explanatory.

6. Visit a hippo. Most likely the one at the Toronto zoo although on safari in Africa or at an animal sanctuary in Africa would be preferable though.

7. Find true love in a romantic way. This is the one that will least likely ever happen. I'm just too ugly and too broken to ever be loved.

8. Find old friends. I have re-connected with several old friends on Facebook but there still are a few special ones I'm looking for that I am still unable to find I'd like to be able to re-connect with and to see how their lives ended up.

9. Try a weighted blanket. These are supposed to work wonders for those on the Spectrum and I've always wanted to try it and see if it helps calm anxiety but they're just soooo expensive, like 100$-200$ and I can't justify spending that much $$$ on a blanket and I really don't have the $$$$. Before when I used to have  $$$ I'd think nothing of it and just toss it in my shopping cart but now it's such a extravagance!!

10. Get answers. get answers to all the questions that plague me: What did I ever do that was so bad that my kids hate me? Why was I cursed with so much bad luck, misfortune, trauma, crisis, unhappiness, misery, etc. in my life? Is it a punishment? a test? a curse? what? Why did my life have to be so hard? Why could I never find happiness and love? Why did everyone I ever love, trust, or care about always betray me? Why did I have to be burdened with so many issues? Why did I have to be so ugly? Why did so-and-so and this-and-that have to happen? What did I ever do to "deserve" it all? What is the purpose of my life? etc.