Let It Snow!

Later last night and overnight last night it snowed and we actually got some real actual serious snow, I'd say maybe 10 cm or so, certainly enough to have to shovel( that's the only bad thing and with my breathing issues I sure can't do it; if I exert myself like that I'd drop dead for sure) and my mother's obviously too old (turns 80 this summer) and my hubby couldn't be bothered so the kids do it and now it's been  and passed down on to the 13 YR old, who is now the youngest, having "inherited" it  from his older siblings, all who have had their turns doing it, just like  cutting grass. For laughs sometimes they'll even bow their heads and sing in deep low voices, bellowing,  Look down, look down, you'll always be a slave... from Les Miserables. like they also do when they have to bring the groceries in the house from the car trunk. They do get paid allowances though for their chores so they're not exactly "slaves" and we want to teach them pay requires work and that part of being in a family is everyone helps out. 

It's also my birthday in just 2 days and I turn 54 ( old fart, ha, ha!!) but I feel more like 104 with all my medical issues, limited mobility as a result of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and pain, and my family despises it I use medical marijuana too but would they prefer it more  if I got hooked on painkiller opiates instead, such as morphine, Oxycontin, Demerol, etc. as another option instead of the natural herb  I take now that has NO harmful side-effects? I'm actually surprised I'm still here though really and always thought I'd die before I was 50.Being ugly(and having Asperger's and being stupid, as well) also feels like you somehow failed at something most people do without seeming to try and it can warp your self-esteem and self-image, and it's really hard not to believe you really are  ugly, think you must be ugly,, see yourself as ugly, and hate yourself for being  ugly when everyone else  your entire life has always said you are and tells you that you are. It also makes it hard to love yourself,too. I like to try and make people laugh and smile too because I know what it's like to be sad.

Here are 3 photos I took of the snow this morning. The first one above is of the bushes in front of our house, the middle one is on our street at the front looking down the road and the bottom one below is one of our bushes being weighted down with the heavy weight of the snow. It's the nice good snow,too, the packing snow, the heavy stuff that you need for making good snowballs, building snowmen, skiing, going tobaganning, etc and crunches when you walk on it. I would love to go tobaganning again too it was so fun when I was a kid but I know if I did it now with my broken falling apart body I'd end up either paralyzed or dead or at the very least in traction. That's the worst thing I think about getting old is your Mind  still feels young and still wants  to do all the fun things you used to be able to do but your poor old broken body says No way Old Woman! Do it and DIE!! I also have this little sample of  Youth Drops  or serum or whatever it was called from my Body Shop gift set the 21 YR old gave me for Christmas and the stuff was like magic so smooth and my poor old dried-out thirsty skin just soaked it up like a sponge and it felt so niiiccce and believe me I squeezed every single little last drop I could out of that little packet! 😁

Yesterday dating a photo I also accidently put Dec/2020  on it before quickly realizing, Ooops! Oh, no, it's a new year!  and then had to delete it and put Jan/2021 on it instead and for quite awhile that's going to take alot of getting used to, esp. for someone like me who usually doesn't even know what day it is generally, and all this week( with the holidays) I was even more messed-up and confused than usual but at least everyone else was too so this week it wasn't just me! I also notice my confusion, putting clothing on inside-out or backwards for example, forgetfulness, etc. is getting much worse lately, and yesterday and today I hardly pee at all either so maybe I'm in final-stage kidney failure now? My entire belly( both above and below belly-button) is also soooo swollen up( not all just fat but fluid) I look 7 months' prego now,too.I hope so though and I look forward to dying as I'll finally be set free; free from this physical body and all it's ugliness that brought me nothing but both physical and emotional pain, free from this life and this family, free from unhappiness, free to just finally break free and fly away...and I still hope I can find happiness and love...I never should have gotten married, had kids, or even been born.

 I know that.

 But it's too late now.