Suicidal Me?

Yesterday I posted this on my Twitter:

Being depressed and suicidal you're like "I should kill myself today" but then like "No, I want to see what happens in my TV show" or "Not until after my Amazon parcel arrives, maybe tomorrow" and so you go on finding reasons to keep living until the next time.

Then a short while later I received an e-mail from them saying they had received a report that I posted some "concerning" content about self-harm and referred me to some suicide crisis number to contact and I was shocked actually as I'm not currently suicidal, I was just referring to being depressed and suicidal in general and having to struggle on a daily basis with this battle and how unlike other people it's not as "easy" as just finding something that makes you happy but rather only diversions long enough that you get thru another day and you desperately need the gift of hope as you've gone thru your own supply of hope and need to be given a little more and how you have to purposely look for the little things in each day that bring you joy, to keep you going; you need to find reasons to stay alive, to NOT kill yourself, as your "natural inclination" is to die, and so you need to find "excuses" so to speak, to NOT kill yourself. That's how the mind thinks and what the struggle is like each day just trying to survive and get thru each day. I thought it was kind that someone actually cared enough about my well-being to intervene though, unlike my own family who watch me struggle daily and never even notice or bother to ask how I am, if I'm OK, or if I need help; they don't give a shit, a rat's ass or a flying f*ck.

In case you were wondering what's up with the photo above, it's me with my "rescue" facial mask. I have to leave it on for 8 hours or so and I think it might be avocado or something and I know my ugly mug sure needs alot more rescue than some mask is ever going to give it; I'm going to need a good plastic surgeon for that, ha, ha, napping twice a day ( morning and afternoon) my fatigue is still so debilitating I still feel run-down exhausted tired all day and all I want to do is sleep and the nausea was usually in the evening but now it's during the day,too, and I always feel dizzy, faint, weak, and like something is literally sucking and draining the life out of me and I feel like a deflating balloon. I also miss the feeling when the back wheels hit the tarmac with that "thud" and you get that lurch and then the rumble of the tires on the runway and excitement runs thru your veins VACATION TIME HAS BEGUN!!!! I miss travelling so much but with the Martial-Law style lockdowns I doubt that will be happening any time soon and I've been too sick lately anyway though.

With the vigilante storming Capitol Hill in USA also makes me think Trump himself would say it's something that happens in a Shithole country, like a coup in some Central American country so now USA is a "Shithole" country,and it fulfills the Bible's prophecy too in the Book Of Revelation when it warns in the Last Days the fall of a great evil empire referred to as Babylon The Great, long believed to be the USA, a powerful mighty and evil empire that oppresses and exploits and like all other such empires of the past (Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome, Ottoman, British,etc) eventually ended up collapsing, with USA being the last one to fall and you can clearly see now it's burning. It's imploding, but it has only itself to blame and now karma has come back to bite it in the ass in a big way. It can only go around invading, plundering, bossing around, exploiting, stealing from, oppressing, waging war, policing, etc. other nations for only so long...