Spiritual Growth.

I had an inspiration the other day ( and I seem to get the best and most of my inspirations, revelations, answers, and decisions after I've smoked weed, in dreams, or when I'm in deep meditative prayer) that what I was worried and thought all this time searching for Truth and all the doubts, uncertainties, questions, and trying various religions was sinful(because, you know, afterall, having doubts and questions when I should just have faith) was, in fact, the opposite, and was actually spiritual growth and enlightenment and it meant that I was progressing spiritually and growing closer to God and farther away from man-made  religion, rules, expectations, and dogma, and thatmy soul going from 1 belief to another  in search of spiritual growth my soul will grow and mature using the hybrid for soul growth so in actual fact I'm growing spiritually and doing better! If so, and that's true( and not just my mind talking crazy shit) I feel so much better! I also had a realization as well that the reason none of the kids are married or have kids yet is that they aren't spiritually mature yet to settle down and have families themselves yet; they've left God and don't even believe in Him anymore so maybe they're not going to be given the responsibility of children until they have returned to God  and are spiritually ready to raise them to know and follow Him?

The Shadow People  are back again as well; I saw 2 of them yesterday in the hallway quickly out of the corner of my eye. They're hazy and move really fast, like how angels do, but I don't feel fear though and I'm not afraid of them so I don't think they're here to do me any harm, and the 24 YR old's BF got a brand-new Tesla (the fancy expensive electric car, the company Elon Musk has) and now the 17 YR old's all freaked-out and she wants to do down there to visit just to take a spin in the car, and my hubby's new chair was delivered and luckily the colour does match the rest of the decor(it looks just like his old one) and I didn't realize it was real suede! I think this must the first time he actually picked out something all on his own that wasn't stupid! I also heard of the "miracle" puppy born with 6 legs and the first thing I thought of was, Boy, I bet that little f*cker will sure be able to run really fast!  and I heard Hamburger Helper  is considered to be " Poor People" food too which I never knew and we weren't poor but used to have it once a week when I was growing up( we still do now although now we actually are poor) my mother just worked and it was a fast and easy meal and we had it with potatoes and veggies. For us it wasn't a matter of "poor", but more a matter of lazy and convenient, plus my mother wasn't the most creative cook.

Today my stomach feels really nauseaous as well and I'm really dizzy and last night in bed the abdomenal pain( which is still really bad I gasp and wince in pain) was even on the left  side too which is new; it's usually on the right side, and one of my cousins( the one that had the heart surgery) also has end-stage kidney failure and starts dialysis next week and a cousin in Europe had the Corona virus too yet she still got the vaccine once she recovered which seems kind of stupid to me; I mean, she already had it, so wouldn't she already be immune, like when you've had the measles or the chicken-pox, so why would you get a vaccine for a virus you already had and your body is already now immune to? It's sad too to think that when I was younger I used to be able to do gymnastics  and now with my arthritis my knees can hardly bend and sometimes I can't even move (getting old really sucks!!) and I remember as well when I was young I complained I was always so thin (I took a size 6X until I was like 12) but I don't have that problem anymore; now I'm a big fat hippo!!

I also heard PM Trudeau's wife wants to divorce him but is waiting for things to cool down Corona-wise first and he's such a douche even his own wife doesn't like him,either( who can blame her!) and I saw this video of Canadian Tire( a hardware store) employees and security tackling, choking and handcuffing a customer just for not wearing a mask and I said how it's afwul what  Police State  it's become and my hubby snarled why do I always Take the side of the rebels?  and I asked him why he always takes the side of the oppressors and I don't and won't ever accept, tolerate or excuse any authority or gov't oppression, abuse, assault, over-step, over-reach, intrusion, etc.and it beyond infuriates me that he always tries to "justify" it, and he laughs and thinks I'm some kind of Conspiricy Theorist etc. too but remember that everyone laughed at Noah and called him crazy too until it started raining..."Cancel Culture" really pisses me off too and I think that getting rid of brand mascots like Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben's is racist in itself for getting rid of them because  they're Black( so Mrs. Butterworth must be White then since she's still around?), and I realized as well that there's this great sense of freedom once you stop caring what everybody else thinks and just do what's best for you, and  a parenting tip: just play dead and hope they go away and leave you alone.

 Just let go.