Toilet Bowl.

Today is the Superbowl, some big football game and I don't even know which teams are even playing, or where they're playing, nor could I care less. I don't give a rat's ass, don't give a shit, and don't give a flying f*ck,either. I think I could probably only name one football team name if that. The only way I care is that it interrupts the regular TV schedule and hogs up the news coverage. Due to the "pandemic"  and the lockdown the Big Brother gov't officials are also warning everyone NOT to have Superbowl parties and gatherings at their homes since all the bars are closed but we all know that they still will anyway and they have no right to order people to stop having their traditions, their holidays, their cultural celebrations, etc. and for that reason I hope they still do, just to Stick It to The Man!  I can remember as well when I'd just had my second child( 30 years ago! wow.....holy shit does that ever make me feel old!) my friend T (in Ottawa) had come to visit us in the hospital and then he went to a Grey Cup (Canada's mini version of Superbowl) party afterwards even though he couldn't care less about football he still went along with friends anyway....and then later he told me that he met this girl there....and now here they are, still happily married. 💗 Today it's also snowing and it's that nice pretty snow, the big flakes, the kind that artists paint and that photographers shoot, and Buddy's shits are back to regular turds now,too and I wonder if someone maybe even fed him chocolate ( or something else toxic to dogs) on purpose or something to cause the mucus and congealed bleeding before? The 17 YR old makes her disdain for him quite clear and the 13 YR old is,well, let's just say showing characteristics that I find to be quite disturbing. I wonder as well when I returned to the Catholic church before (I had joined the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormon's for a few years, always searching for truth but returned 16 YRS ago and got all the kids caught up in their Sacraments) was it really because  that's where God wanted and directed me to be  and where I belong, or just because that's what was familiar and what I know, and despite how much the authorities may limit or even ban religious worship services with the pandemic it will never stop me worshipping God; that's something you can always still do at home in private and that they can never take away from you.

I also found out who it was that's been locking me outside when I go out to toke: it was the 13 YR old. I was able to narrow it down to either him or my hubby and I told him that I was "on" to him and warned him to quit it and he said, Maybe it was just the wind? yeah, right, the wind....even when I always have the door closed completely because I know they hate the smell....then yesterday when I sat out I sat placing the chair right in front of the back door so I could see directly into the kitchen and see who came in and out and if anyone approaches the door( as there's a clear glass part ) and the entire time I was out there he was the only one that came thru the kitchen at that time, but he never did anything to the door, likely because he would have seen me sitting there watching; he just came in and left but I had my answer. The 24 YR old texted my hubby as well asking for $$$ and at first I thought it must have been the 19 YR old as she's the one always mooching $$$ and claims things are for "emergencies" too like this amazing pair of shoes that are on sale, for example, and she has a millionaire's taste on a pauper's budget (just like her mother!) but it was actually the 24 YR old; she graduates this YR ( degree in Psychology) and has to move out and find a new place as  residence is for university students only and she'll no longer be a student so she found another place( a nice place in a good safe neighbourhood) but needs first and last month's rent and only has enough $$$ for one,not both. I also had a revelation of a sort when praying asking why I always have to have so much trauma, misfortune, bad luck, hardhip, struggle, etc. in life, and so much more than most people and the answer came as it's to refine me, to turn me into something beautiful later, that I will be transformed thru my suffering and hardships, sort of like how gold is refined thru fire or diamonds are formed by coal under extreme pressure.

I'm too ugly and broken to be loved.