Just Because.

I decided to go ahead and order myself the flowers I wanted(with the inscription Just Because on the card), the sunflowers pictured above here afterall as I figured, why not, I could die any day and there may not be any more days left and I don't want to regret not getting myself the flowers I wanted to cheer myself up so I went ahead and ordered them and they were delivered yesterday......

But they didn't  look anything  like the photo, they weren't even sunflowers at all (which is what I specifically wanted  for a reason and what I ordered and expected)  but instead they substituted(I know it's not sunflower "season" but I figured since it was on the website and under the subtitle sunflowers, they either imported them or grew them in their own nursery) and gave me Gerbera Daisies as if I wouldn't know the difference! ( see the photo below) 

What the f*cking F*CK?

I'm just sooooooooo furious!!!!

 I spent 60$  on that? They ripped me off! I could get that for 10$ at Wal-Mart(and it also didn't come as displayed either but just in plain brown wrap like a lunch bag) and it's not  what I wanted or ordered and I'm NOT going to be cheated like that and I'm sure as hell NOT paying 60$ for it either, esp. when it's NOT what I ordered or wanted, so I sent them a scathing e-mail demanding a full refund or I'll post a blistering critical online review of their business if not (and I thought I was doing good helping out local business,too, HA!) and so far I haven't heard back and someone so unethical like that will probably just ignore it( and if they were going to substitute flowers they should have at least asked  me beforehand and I just would have told them to cancel the order, not just sneak it in there like that because sunflowers was what I specifically wanted, NOT Gerbera Daisies!!)  and if so I can always contact the credit card company and have them put a stop on the payment.

THIS  is the cheap crap I got instead. For 60$! No f*cking way!! I don't know what I am more, mad, hurt, or fed-up, I just tried to do something to bring a little happiness into my life and and it always just backfires and goes wrong, and I have the worst luck and nothing ever goes right for me or can work out and it makes me wonder if I'm a jinx or cursed somehow, like did some angry Gypsy curse my mother when she was pregnant, or what?  I had such a good, long, deep big cry last night in bed, so fed-up with trying so hard to find joy in life, even little things and yet it still eludes me(except for Buddy; he changed my life)  and what I thought was going to be a good day( the flowers to cheer me up) ended up to be really awful and I can't even look  at them as it just reminds me of my constant bad luck and that I got ripped-off; I moved them to a room I hardly ever go to, and I'm mad I got ripped-off and now also worry I'll be out 60$ I really can't afford in the first place(esp. not to lose) and not just for this (at least for the sunflowers it would have been worth it) and I'm fed-up too that nothing ever goes right for me and I'm tired of always having to settle for inferior shit and second-rate all the time,too and not what I really want;it feels like I don't " deserve" anything good, anything decent, just the cheap crap, the leftovers, the inferior shit no one else wants or just throws away.Why can't anything just work out and go right for me?

There is a difference between living and simply waiting to die.