The Candles.

My hubby is now pretty much finished moving his home office from the basement  upstairs to the 21 YR old's old room. In doing so he had to clean out a bunch of her old junk that she left behind when she moved away for school a few years ago, incl. a bunch of candles, some used some still brand new. There were 8 or so of them and he was just going to toss them out and left them out in the hallway so I scooped them up and divided them in half between the 17 YR old and I as we both love the scent of candles! They were the good quality ones,too, like Charmed Aroma and  Bath &Body Works, not the cheap ones like I usually get at Wal-Mart so it was a treat, and for free,too, and I got a nice vanilla one, a berry one(I still like the smell of berries, just not the taste), a marshmallow one, and one that smells like perfume. I have to say it was like Christmas for me! Every evening in the winter when the sun goes down and it gets dark I light a candle on the livingroom coffee table beside the couch as I sit as I watch the news and I snuggle down with Buddy and my blankets and have what the Scandinavians refer to as Hygge.

The other day I also accidently came across a 9 inch dick on the InterNet and I was surprised and shocked but I also have to admit that I was impressed; it was *glorious* and I've never seen one so big, and size does matter(no matter what they say) I just couldn't stop staring(bug-eyed and gape-mouthed in awe) and now( as ashamed as I am to admit it) I regret that I didn't  copy it and save  it(I know, isn't that awful?) even though porn is NOT my thing,  and I was thinking too of all of the regrets in my life some of them I have no control over and couldn't have changed (such as who my family is, my looks, where I was born) but others I most definitely would have if I could go back, such as not getting married and not having kids,and I don't think it's necessarily getting married that ruined my life and made me so unhappy but rather marrying the wrong person and I wouldn't rule out getting married again  if I met the right person ( yeah, right, as if that's ever going to happen though; what do I have to offer anyone? Who's ever going to want me?) and I loved them, and it's not my kids as individuals, personally  that I regret having in my life but parenting  in general as with my Asperger's, bipolar, depression and anxiety disorder I just wasn't able to handle all the stress, worry, anxiety, and fear that dominated it and was ever-present, and even more so with all the crisis in our lives, from being on the run and living in fear for all those years, the medical issues, the fire, the losses, the cancer, the suicide attempts, the mental illness, etc. it's all just too much and all that trauma ,stress, and anxiety all could have been avoided if I never had kids. My life would have been alot more calmer, peaceful, happier, balanced, content, and quieter.

My family also makes fun of me that I talk to and treat Buddy like he's a person but aren't you supposed  to love them like family, and they hate me and blame me for my Asperger's and bipolar too even though I can't help  it and it's an illness  and makes as much "sense" as hating and blaming someone for having diabetes or cancer; for being slower, not being able to catch up or even participate, for needing help, for being different, for needing extra; extra rest, extra patience, extra understanding, and my mother sneered how all I do is sleep (as I nap every day) even though she naps every day too and spends pretty much all day  in bed herself when at least I'm only up in my bed at night and up and downstairs all during the day! What can she say, and I've already taken Buddy out for a walk, cooked some food, had a bath,checked in on my computer, and done laundry all before she even wakes up! My family sucks. I really should  have stayed single and if I didn't have this damn Asperger's and could function on my own I'd live in my own little place too with just my dog.

Everyday, there’s a number of people who wake up, with the sole goal of becoming offended by you. Don’t dissappoint them.