The Little Things.

For the past 5 days it was between 14 C and 18 C(warmer than usual; normal this time is around 6C) and Buddy and I were sitting outside in the sun(not today though; it's raining but at least it gives my sunburn a bit of a break) and it's amazing really how such a simple thing like being able to be outside in the sun can bring me so much joy but it is the Little Things in life that do bring the most joy and the most happiness. I also got this red incredibly itchy rash/hives all over my neck, arms and legs from the sun too(I always do for the first 2 weeks or so of sun exposure every year,almost like an allergy, until my skin gets used to it) so I have to slather myself in Calamine lotion and take a Benedryl and yesterday there were 6 guys re-doing a neighbour's roof ( which costs a fortune so they must either be really rich or really in debt) and I heard one of them loudly yell f*ck! and it was so funny. People-watching is very interesting. Yesterday was also National Dog Day and getting my Buddy was the best thing I ever did and I love him more than anything; he is my life and I can tell there's a female in heat too by the way he's tracking the scent and always begging me to take him out the front for a walk for a Booty Call and trying to hump my leg. Even though he's old(15) he's still got it, the dirty old man!

The oldest also replied to my e-mail and said the reason the kids are all so eager to leave home isn't because of me personally or anything I've done in particular( which makes me feel alot better) but rather just the general atmosphere in general such as all the fighting and drama, plus the house is "gross", even though it is the kids that make the mess and clutter by tossing their food and wrappers, etc. all over the floor, being pigs, but I know what he means though; I wish I could leave,too! Tomorrow is also the youngest's birthday; he turns 14, and he says I'm a "bad mother" and "don't 'deserve' to be his mother, etc. and I told him that he's a bad kid too, always so defiant, oppositional, destructive,mean, mouthy, etc. and of all the kids is one of the worst and gives me the most trouble, and I had a revelation of a sort too that with different religions it's merely just different people worshipping God in different ways but He's still God.

I also keep having these recurring dreams where it's the second-last day of grade 12 and I only have one day left of highschool and then I'm free and another one I only have 20 minutes to get to the airport and catch my flight( which we all know is nowhere near enough time, esp. since you have to be there 3 HRS before an international flight and the airport is also 2 HRS away from where I live!) but I keep being delayed having to feed a baby or change a diaper. I wonder what they might mean? If I had a Native Spirit Name it would also probably be something like Running With Scissors and the other day my hubby bought a new roasting pan so my mother had to rush out and buy a roast to test it out,and now when people hate me and blame me for being what I am I just reply back, Well, excuuuse my autism and my bipolar!  it's just like saying people with diabetes or cancer that it's their "fault."

Yesterday the medical marijuana doctor called for my app't and I got my prescription/license re-newed and I can still remember growing up my mother, being a medical professional always telling me not to use bubble bath, bath oils beads, bath salts, etc. because they cause "cooch infections" but I still did anyway because I like them and I still did because she was right, and I found out the Ringo Starr song Octopus' Garden  means his backyard and here all this time I thought it meant his actual garden, where you plant your flowers but apparantly in Britain they call a backyard a "garden" (so I wonder what they call their actual garden where the plants grow?) and then it makes sense now when I remember hearing my British neighbour at our old house in Ottawa (who has sadly since died of breast cancer)yelling at her kids to Stay out of the garden! when they were playing and I was thinking, What the hell lady? They're not even in  your garden; they're just in the yard! I also saw where a parent gave his 5 YR old the choice between 2 books: Fairy Tales or the Communist Manifesto and the kid chose the Communist Manifesto! I wish that was my kid.

The best thing I could be is someone else.