Worry And Fear.

I'm really worried and scared the past couple of days. yesterday early am Buddy kept waking me up with loud hacking, retching, gasping, heaving noises, and often breathed with a stridor, esp. while asleep and there was lots of bright red blood on my bedsheets as well that came from his mouth and when I looked inside I was saddened and horrified because most of his lower teeth and gums and part of his jaw is just disintigrating, just disappearing, turning to a squishy greyish black mush, bloody and falling apart, I mean literally just falling off, with part of his chin and underside of his mouth starting to turn black, crusty and bumpy now too and more teeth at the bottom jaw fallen out now as well and I hope it's just dental decay and it will heal up on it's own and he'll bounce back( and he is still eating remarkably,and when you're dying you stop eating and drinking, and still has a tail wag for me even though he also just lays around and looks sad all day) and I can't help but worry it must be some sort of cancer eating away at his face and mouth, just melting away and chunk falling off and that the end is near and we're both at the End Of The Line now, and my abdomenal pain is so bad, blinding white-hot pain I double-over in pain and even see a bright flash of white and dry-heave trying to barf due to the pain but nothing comes out. Just as long as we go together though as I can't live without him; he's my best friend and my soul mate and my entire life  as well as the only one that loves me and my only reason for living and the best thing to ever happen to me in my entire life! I know everything and everyone does have to die and at some point this day would come( and he is  15 afterall and we've had 7 wonderful years together) but knowing it and actually facing it and having to accept it are different things and I love him more than I've ever loved anybody and losing him would just be too much more than I could bear. He is my entire life and without him I'll have nothing and nothing left to live for anymore.

Last night my diabetic mother also took her blood sugar and it was a dangerous 33! Normal is between 8 and 10! Even the machine taking the reading flashed a WARNING!!  notice on it and she for once actually took it seriously and got really scared( even though she's the one always cheating on her diet and eating the sweet sugary stuff she's not supposed to!) and re-did it and it was the same(I told her to take an extra insulin pill and to eat some berries and whole wheat grains bread to lower the blood sugar) so she went to the ER(thinking they'd have to give her an insulin shot, now she just takes the pills), fearful of a heart-attack or diabetic coma and she was there 3 HRS and they did bloodwork and checked her heart and their reading was only 11 and they said maybe her machine just needs new batteries although when she got back home and re-tested again it said 11 just like it did at the hospital so it must have been accurate. Maybe this will finally scare her into sticking to her diet now she knows how serious it can really get?  So that was all my fear, stress, and worry for the past couple of days. How about you?

I also heard the Politically Correct crap has gone way too far again too, now Mr.Potato Head has been "neutered" to be gender neutral which is stupid enough anyway but with this you either just add or take parts off to make it male or female anyway so why all the big fuss, and some Dr. Seuss books have been banned now as well and I get it they shouldn't have racist content but it reminds me of the Nazis burning books. It also angers me too this shithole country is withdrawing the Corona virus vaccines from the COVAX program which is supposed to be for poorer, less developed countries, because we're "low" here, which is an obvious arrogant display of outright greed, selfishness, nationalism and white priviledge and EU countries are also banning the export of vaccines to other non-European countries as well; showing nationalism, greed, selfishness, favouritism, and hoarding as well and this so-called "pandemic" is bring out the worst in people! So much for Jesus teaching us to Love thy neighbour  and to take care of one another.and I was thinking too when Prince Harry and Meghan give that Oprah interview woouldn't it be scandalous if they revealed that it's not only Prince Andrew involved with Epstein's sex trafficking ring but the entire Royal Family, or that maybe they even run it, and that's even  why they left  and maybe they're even working with the FBI to bring them down and that's why they moved to USA? Wow....that would sure make for some great story! I have heard them being referred to as The Firm, like some sort of Mafia family...

Night always turns into day. This is law.