Foodie.

I was able to get a photo of the 26 YR old's amazingly delicious baklava afterall even though he had it all wrapped up to take to work! My mother decided she wanted to give the 14 YR old another piece so she just carved all around the edges with a knife and opened it all up! He also said that being a good cook is the key to getting laid; that girls like guys that either have money or that can cook and he's going to try and order new glasses( his old ones broke and are literally being held together now by tape in the middle) at this online place my hubby found that sells them for only 10$ plus shipping but I think there's got to be some "catch"; it sounds too good to be true, like shipping's probably 300$ or something... I have to admit it's also been alot quieter since the 18 YR old left,too because she's really loud and yesterday I heard a girl scream outside and it sounded just like her and reminded me of her. I miss her. I miss her more than I even realized I do. Both my stomach and abdomenal pain was sooo bad yesterday too it was like my stomach ulcer and my colon were competing to see which one would win in taking me down first.I'm really dizzy as well.It's always felt like my life's in "chapters" as well and now it not only feels like one chapter is ending but also that it's the Final Chapter,too.

The other day I also got the best poutine in the world,too, from a nearby chip truck that just opened the other day after taking the past year off due to the Scamdemic  and they make it just perfect; they have the best kind of gravy, use the right kind of fries and have the top-quality cheese curds that squeak when you chew them! YUMMMMM!!! I know it looks  really gross (but then again, so does pizza, lasagne, Pesto sauce, etc) but it sure tastes amazing! My mother wanted us to divide it up and share it having half each but I sure as hell could  have eaten the whole thing myself! Even Buddy like it,too, although just the cheese curds!  I have to say he's pretty picky for a guy that licks his ass!  I also joined a local activist group and signed an anti-vaccine "passport" petition that's being sent to the gov't and also requested a END THE LOCKDOWN!!! lawnsign so I'll likely end up on the RCMP "Watchlist" (again.....ha,ha) and I was thinking of my friend I(in Ottawa) the other day too how he got sent away to boarding school when he was 11 because he didn't get along with his new step-father....yet now as an adult he's in business with that very same exact step-father, so you never know how life is going to turn out.

Buddy also scared me the other day too as he came in after his walk: he just stood there in the hallway in front of the door looking dazed and didn't come in, and he was panting and sort of just fell into my arms and I was scared he was having a heart-attack but then he rested awhile and he was fine so I guess he just over-exerted himself but it was scary, and it's been 2 weeks since I drew "eyebrows" on him with a black Sharpie for laughs too and only now is just half of it wearing off,  and my doctor doubled my diuretic dose as my edema was really bad and now the swelling has gone way down but I'm not peeing much although you'd expect the opposite, to be peeing more, but I am sweating profusely though I'm like a faucet; it just pours all down my face into my eyes and mouth and when I sit on a chair outside the spot my back was on it all wet although excessive sweating and heat intolerance is also a symptom of a pituitary tumour as is "coarsened" facial features( which is just a medical word a "nice" way for saying "ugly") which I also have, only worsening(as if that's ALL I need!)  and looking even more masculine, and unless I'm imagining it my teeth also look more spaced apart and straighter now too and NOT so crowded and crooked anymore( which is a GOOD thing!)...and then I saw that's also a symptom.....I keep seeing more and more all the time that I have that explains so much,making it more likely all the time that's likely what I do  have so hopefully we finally have an answer at long last after some 3 years of suffering!

I also read reliable medical research studies  has indicated that childhood trauma and/or severe stress can increase the likelihood of developing pituitary tumours and it would also explain my 60 pound weight gain,too; esp. when I really don't eat that much, and, in fact, I often skip meals, usually lunch or dinner because I can't find anything to eat, and I laugh now too looking back to before I had kids and I was 120 pounds and I thought 135 pounds was "fat" and at the time that was the fattest I'd ever get to and then I would diet back down again and what I wouldn't give NOW  to be 135 pounds again! My mother also shows autistic traits as well(such as being OCD, not liking sticky hands or any kinds of oil on her skin, being clumsy, hoarding and being a pack-rat, such as still having utility bills from 1984 when we lived in L.A, being insistant and controlling, various compulsion,s such as only having repairmen come at 3 pm even though she's home all day,sticking rigourously to certain times and routines, etc) even though she denies it and says You must have got it from your father's side! even though it's so obvious but she never takes respionsibility for anything and it's always someone else's fault. In my life I've also always been made to feel I can't do anything right, I've never been good enough, that I'll always be a last resort, and nothing more than an annoyance and a burden. This morning I also notcied my entire music playlist on my iPod  is gone, it's been deleted  and the 14 YR old's the ONLY one that would do such a thing, and he's always complaining about me singing.....and now I have no idea how to get it back.....he's in BIG trouble and I'm confiscating HIS device,now,too! What a HORRIBLE thing to do to me, and for what?!Why? That's just so mean. I love my music.

I hate my family. I hate my life.

Your greatest accomplishment each day is deciding not to commit suicide.- Albert Camus