My Nursery.

Here is my nursery, my sunflower seedlings, now 3 weeks old and doing well, growing nice and strong, big and tall, the best I've had in 3 years! A damn cat also came up onto our porch the other day too so both Buddy and I chased it off and those f*ckers are notorious for shitting in and digging up gardens so I grated a lemon and put the rind in this morning to repel it as legend has it that cats hate the aroma of citrus rind,so....I had the inspiritation as well that we should all be like my sunflowers,too; not worry about what the others next to us are doing or how tall they're  growing but to just keep growing and reaching for the light ourselves,and I notice too that even though all the seeds were planted at the same time they all grow differently; that some are smaller and others are taller; like people they all grow and develop at their own speed and that's OK. I also wonder if maybe I'm like that other flower I had before too  that I thought was dead but actually wasn't; maybe I'm just like it; not actually dead but just need to be replanted somewhere else where I can thrive and grow again?(Jamaica, perhaps, my spiritual home) Yesterday my abdomenal and back pain was so bad as well it felt like something was trying to eat me from the inside-out and also like I was being stabbed behind the left eye by an ice-pick and I could even feel my heart loudly beating only not in my chest but in the middle of my back and today it's my stomach area that hurts; either my ulcer or my liver, but it's always something, I can never have a pain-free day.

Yesterday and today Buddy is also bleeding quite a bit from his mouth too and at first I thought it was just his loose tooth but when I looked in deeper I could see that it was coming from farther down, from his throat or even deeper, so he's definitely bleeding from somewhere(and he had the tarry black shit too a sign of bleeding), but where and what is it? It's not just a bit of blood either but enough to make big stains on the blanket and on my shirt although he does his best to try and lick it and swallow it(and at times I can hear it gurgling in his throat) so I hope it's just something minor like he swallowed something sharp and cut something, or a bleeding stomach ulcer or something and not a tumour or some major internal bleeding. I can't lose him. I just can't. He is 15 and I knew eventually this time would come and no one lives forever but I'm not ready or prepared for it and I never will be. He's my entire reason I'm still here; he's the one that keeps me anchored, that keeps me going, that keeps me fighting, that keeps me holding on. Without him I'd have nothing to live for anymore, no reason to carry on. He's all I have and the only love, light, joy, happiness, and companionship I have in life. I can only pray that God gives me the strength for whatever lies ahead and for what I must face and have to do.

Awhile ago the 18 YR old also told the 22 YR old a joke (they were texting or video-chatting or whatever it is they do) and she laughed so hard she jerked back and whacked her head hard on her bedframe and got a concussion and had to go tot he ER and now she has 10 days off work and has to wear sunglasses and avoid the sun and bright lights while it heals! WTF? She's always been accident-prone and a klutz(she trips over air!) but this is really weird! Talk about a freak accident, and I'm not sure when this exactly happened(I only heard of it second-hand, my hubby told me, as no one ever tells me anything and I'm always the last to know anything) but if it was in May then that would have been the bad thing to happen to our family in May like we always have something every May. Yesterday I also heard the neighbour's kids laughing, squealing, splashing and playing in their pool and it was nice as it reminded me of when my kids were little and it brought back happy memories and in 5 more days child #9 turns 20 too and I can still remember while in labour with her I was on the phone and I felt pressure and the need to push and I said It feels like the head's there.... and the nurse checked and sure enough it was so I got off the phone and a few minutes later I called back and they could hear her crying in the background.

Yesterday one of my cousins also turned 65 and I joked the seniors should have a Grey Pride Parade  too where they all march down the street with their walkers and their wheelchairs, and the good thing about being fat in your 50's is that it actually makes you look younger as if you're thin in middle-age and you're bony, skinny and frail people think that you're sick or even have cancer, and my hubby went to a local farm yesterday and bought a huge amount of peas in the pod and ate most of them so he'll be shitting his guts out(even more than he usually does) and my friend J(in Ottawa) has been to Las Vegas 14 times and the funny thing is even though I've travelled all over the world( 37 countries so far) I've actually never been to Vegas. I've been to these remote places most people have probably never even heard of, incl. a village in Malta where I saw craftsmen make glass by hand, yet never to the popular places like Vegas or NYC. I also realized too that the brainwashed and indoctrinated Sheeple are like vampires and both wear masks for the same reason; because they can't see the light.

I also wasn't able to sync my iPod with my computer, causing alot of trouble as I wasn't able to upload my photos I took with my iPod onto the computer or to download songs from the computer onto the iPod and it was as if it didn't recognize that the iPod was there and didn't accept the connection and the boys spent time last night trying to find out why and they tried everything to no avail and I was freaking out and just gave up and went to bed and prayed on it....and then I had a revelation and I know it was from the Holy Spirit because I don't know f*ck-all about computers or technology: the asnwer came into my head clearly: it was the new cord or cable or whatever the f*ck it's called; I had to get a new one as the old one the rubber outside was coming off exposing the wire so I switched it only it wasn't an Apple one but some other one my hubby had laying around that charges several devices at once,so I guess it wasn't compatable, and the answer came to me to just put my old one back in again and it worked!

Smoking weed has also opened up my Third Eye and allows me to now access a deeper level of consciousness I was never able to reach before(it was always there but I wasn't able to unlock it) and now I'm able to receive answers, inspiration, revelation, insight, knowledge, wisdom, etc. and there's also nothing quite like sitting outside  smoking weed, listening to my music, my best friend by my side, watching the smoke swirling all around, laying on my back, looking up at the sky floating away.

Turn off the world if it makes you hurt-Max Webster.