Seedlings.

Here are my brand-new baby sunflower seedlings, at just a week old, already sprouting! They starting emerging out of the ground after just a record-breaking 3 days! Maybe they're some sort of super sunflowers? HA! I planted 18 seeds and so far anyway lots of them are coming up so we'll see how many survive in the end. I keep them covered up and sheltered overnight with a heavy plastic lid to keep the critters out but it also help protect against strong winds and heavy rain when need be and also from -yeah- I said it-frost- that we've had the past couple of nights believe it or not, even though we're now into June and frost should have passed by the May holiday, and we safely made it thru May too this year without any crisis so this must be the first time ever nothing bad happened in May! My friend A (in Ottawa) his Aunty Tia Isa died on Sunday though( everyone we care about always seems to die in May!) so that might be it. She was born in 1918 in Valparaiso and was 103! My mother turns 80 next month,too,and told the kids she insists on fancy cards and a cake that says 80! Wow!! on it, and she's asking for alot when I don't even get cards from them or even a phone call on my birthday( although they DO make cards for my hubby's birthday and Father's Day!)  or on Mother's Day....and then they wonder why I want a new family?

*EVERYTHING* also hurts for the past few days as well; every single muscle, bone, and  joint in my body is just begging for mercy and it hurts so much and is also so stiff I can hardly even move and I can't bend down or stand fully upright and I walk half hunched over and shuffle along slowly I look and feel like the walking dead and I wonder if I maybe have Lyme disease, Rhabdo, or cancer or something? What's causing it all? My Rheumatoid Arthritis might explain the joints but what about the muscles? I also hit my head really hard on the wooden roof of the porch swing the other day too as with my perception problem I can't judge space or distance(so I think things are farther away than they actually are and I don't have as much space as I think I do) and I'm always doing things like that and it really hurt,and my Fascist hubby actually thinks it's OK to require vaccine passports(Show me your papers! Gestapo-style!) not only for travel but also for entrance to stores, restaurants, etc. but I say NO WAY as it violates human rights and discriminates and is no different than denying gays or Blacks(or anyone else) service based on certain "criteria" or because they don't "conform" to the majority, and they're also thinking of making vaccines mandatory in colleges and universities now soon as well, but I refuse to take the Mark of The Beast no matter what they do or say to me, and I heard as well they now mandate PSW's in LTC homes to have the vaccine or attend "seminars" to be "informed" on the "benefits" on why they should"(likely followed with being forced to be afterwards)...sounds to me like sending dissidents to "re-education" camps to be programmed....

All my mother also pretty much does all day is lay in bed waiting to die and I keep trying to encourage her to get up and to get outside and get some sun and fresh air as it will make her feel better, more energized, less tired, more "lively", etc but she says I keep "nagging" her and "telling her what to do" and "bothering her" and "won't leave her alone" when really I'm just trying to motivate her she's such a stubborn old goat, and she thinks I should still clean up after everybody too even though the youngest is 14 now and the kids are old enough now to be able to clean up their own mess and even though I'm still their mother forever I'm NOT their slave, and she used the microwave as a timer yesterday too even though she wasn't actually using the microwave itself to cook so when I came in to actually use the microwave to cook my food; I actually needed to use it, she freaked-out, screaming at me to wait until her timer was done.....even though she could have just as easily used the Google Home Device (which is sitting right beside the microwave in the kitchen!) to set a timer instead of "hogging" up the microwave for someone that might actually need it for, you know, actual cooking! I swear, she is the most unreasonable and selfish person I have ever met in my life!!

The 26 YR old also said he and his co-workers have lobster fights at work and the lobster that loses is the one they cook and I think that's just so mean! Animal abuse! Why can't they just have lobster races or something instead? Why do they have to be so mean? and I think you must need a PhD in engineering too to be able to unwrap those cellophane wrappers on the cheese slices, and the 22 YR old carries a knife in her backpack for protection(like I do) only she forgot it was there and went to the courthouse to cover a story  and beeped going thru the metal detector/security thing like they have at the airport but luckily they just thought it was her laptop and never noticed! Boy, that was sure a close one, and I heard too that the Amish are NOT as "innocent" as they seem either as some actually make meth and sell it! I'm shocked but I have to say that I'm impressed too; not bad for someone with just an 8th grade education; I mean, that's chemistry we're talking about here and chemistry is hard!

I also realized the other day that one day in my 40's I'd had enough and I stopped giving a shit and stopped caring. I just gave up. On life. On everything. I set myself free. I started to heal. and it 's been great. I have learned to just let go and let be. I enjoy the little things in life and have learned to not let small things get to me and bother me any more. Life is so much easier and alot less stressful when you just don't give a shit anymore. I realized as well the deadly combination for suicide is when: (1) You lose hope; that nothing's going to ever change or get better and you're just stuck  (2) It's the only way out, the only way to make the pain stop. (3) It's best for everyone; that everyone will be better off without you in their lives. (4) You have no support, no one cares or understands, you're all alone.(5) You just can't take any more and have reached your limit. Once you have all of these combined you have reached the point of No Return.

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a schizophrenic And so am I.