7 Weeks.

Tomorrow my sunflowers will be 7 weeks old and look at how big and tall they've grown now, all the way up to my thigh and if you look closely they've even started to grow the beginnings of little buds in the middle,too!Even the smaller "runt" one at the bottom right end that was smaller and lagging behind is getting bigger and doing better. I also saw a baby brown rabbit the other day on our lawn out the front( just as long as it doesn't come to the back and eat my sunflowers, otherwise it's NOT so "cute" anymore; I will skewer it, if so!!) and I also saw a big Band-Aid  stuck to the sidewalk too which cracked me up, so it must have had a crack in it, ha, ha! I was also telling the 14 YR old how fungus grows in the dark, moist shade and my mother quipped it's just like her, that she must be a fungus because she's always inside in the shade too out of the sun, and even though it's sunny and warm and I'm outside all the time it still doesn't really feel  like summer though without our pool and no CNE for the past 2 summers, and all of us got sick(food poisoning) from this tube of ground beef we had too and I made the Hamburger Helper from and then just the day after the taco pie was made from the same stuff, so for days we were all either barfing or nauseasted so we're NOT buying  that  one ever again!Ugh!

 It  hurts me as well that the 22 YR old's podcasts she  mentions her siblings, my hubby and even my mother but she's never mentioned me, so her listeners will think she doesn't even have  a mother; that I either died or abandoned the family, when in actual fact they just exclude me, and I was disappointed and upset to find out she's reading the occult Harry Potter books too which glorify witchcraft, and it's bad enough the kids turned away from me but turning away from God is even worse and hurts me even more, and it's disappointing too to see some of them have also become modern-day Yuppies going to Starbucks for their fancy-schmancy coffees, going to the gym, taking Uber, and even paying people to do their grocery shopping for them. I fear that I've really lost them to the world now and I'm disappointed they ended up worldly and vainglorious and that's NOT the way I raised  them or wanted or hoped they'd turn out, and I think I better stop listening to the podcasts,too.

When I was taking a photo of my sunflowers my ham dog also stood there, posed, and barked, telling me to take a photo of him,too, so here it is( he's just soooo funny, and I love him so much!!)and today is my mother's birthday; she's 80, and she asked me if I posted about it up on my Facebook too and no, why would I? Why would my Facebook friends care? She acts like it's some sort of national holiday or something, and everyone always makes such a big fuss over her birthday but never do over mine(not even my 50th) and it hurts that my milestones aren't 'worth" acknowledging, celebrating, or getting excited about and the comparison is glaringly obvious( the kids phone her on her birthday and send cards and the 22 YR old even sent her card by special mail to ensure she got it and they never call me or send me cards and I'm their mother!) and she twisted it around and said Would it make you feel better if we didn't celebrate mine?  but that's NOT  what I meant;  I have no problem with them celebrating hers; I just wish that mine were also equally important and acknowledged and celebrated as such. I'm tired of always being over-looked, excluded and being made to feel like I don't matter, don't belong and am not wanted. The other day my hubby also said You're not included talking about the "Chat group" he and the kids have( as I don't text or even have a cell phone) but it's true for everything ; I've never felt like, or been made to feel like, part of this family, or been included or welcomed ; that's the whole point; I'm never included, and I never have  been, in my entire life, but when your own family does it , it's even worse.

Our grapes are also going nicely on the vines and the 14 YR old didn't do his chores yet again (he's had a habit of that lately) and so once again my mother did it for him again too( and then she complains how much work she has, even though she does it to herself!) excusing that it's part of being a family; helping out and I told her it was actually Him being spoiled  and her pampering him and not wanting him to do any work, and I had this scary nightmare the 26 YR had a heart-attack and died and it scares me even more because I've always had this "feeling"his whole life, even since he was a baby, that he'll die young and so has he....and for 3 days I have this baaaad sinus headache behind my eyes that spreads to my ears or jaws, I'm not sure which as it's at the point where they meet and for a day I also kept hearing this static-y, frequency feedback sound,too that no one else did, and saw propaganda for the Scamdemic that now even the Teletubbies(I didn't even realize those things were still around! I can still remember the 26 YR old when he was little used to like the little red one) have had the vaccine! What the actual f*ck? and I heard as well the assassinated President of Haiti was anti-vaxx too and there is chatter online that's maybe why he got "whacked" and that one of the killers was PM Trudeau's former bodyguard,too! This is really getting interesting and likely goes way deeper than people think....Things often do but people rarely bother to dig.

Live by the foma that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.- Kurt Vonnegut