ASSHOLE.

As you all already know, my hubby is an asshole but yesterday  he really proved himself: we were going to Wal-Mart (and he also dropped my mother off to get her hair cut, finally, after lockdown for months) and I went to put my can of pop in it's usual spot in the car in the beverage holder, the same place that it always goes but something else was there, he was using all  of the spaces, so I just moved what was there to put mine there(out of all the spots I can have ONE).....and he just exploded and raged on me like crazy, yelling that I was selfish and it's always me,me,me,etc... and he tried to grab my drink out of my hand and toss it out the window, and told me to put it somewhere else, such as on the right side( even though I'm left-handed which is why I've always had it in that sopt, only for the past few years as long as we've had the car, but for some reason now all of a sudden I wasn't allowed to any longer) and I'm pissed-off how anything for me is always just disregarded and doesn't matter and is always lowest on priority and I told him that I  have needs too  and I have to 'look out' for myself because no one else ever has! and I told him as well I'm sick and tired of my needs, concerns, opinions, thoughts, etc. always being dismissed and no one cares if it's just for me, and he raged at me and was literally snarling like a wild animal and kept screaming at me and called me a bitch and yelled at me to shut-up  and to get out and walk! and when he dropped me off he sneered, Get out! Get LOST! and I might not even pick you up!  and he sped off! What a total, complete and colossal asshole! WTF though? What "set" him "off"? 

Holy f*ck, I wonder what got him so mad though and why he was in such a bad mood and took it out on me? Maybe his mistress dumped him or something? Maybe over time she found out what he's really like and maybe he was even becoming abusive to her over time,too? Deep inside him lies this evil;a darkness, he's cruel, cold, mean, vindictive, violent, and scary,and I hope the kids never see it. I really wouldn't even be surprised if he even ended up killing  me one day there's just so much rage, hate,anger, and darkness there. Then when I was done shopping he even made me wait outside in the 40C heat for close to an hour before he picked me up too and it was soooo hot I almost passed out and I was wondering if he wasn't even going to pick me up (esp. after what he'd said) and I was even debating if I should just call a taxi.. It's days like this that I wonder too if I should just end it,too; I'm so sick and tired of the way my family treats me and really the only thing that keeps me going, that I live for, is my dog and he's the only one that loves me and the only reason I'm still here but sometimes it just gets so bad I just want to give up and give in and let go and just be free of this life and this family that brings me nothing but pain and suffering and as for my hubby, he is my life's  mistake and regret.

Yesterday one of my cousins also had a heart-attack,but luckily he survived. He's only in his 60's and he also has diabetes and is on a waiting list for a kidney transplant,poor guy. He's also the father of my other cousin who had heart surgery and is on dialysis and needs a kidney transplant as well so it makes you wonder if it might be genetic, and my friend's son in the coma and on life-support she said one of the nurses braided his hair which she thought was a really nice gesture and it touched her, proving the smallest gestures are often the kindest and mean the most, like when we had our fire I will always remember the kindness of the fire chief who let me borrow his boots(I was barefoot and there was glass all over) so I could go back into the house so that I could get my diary.These acts of kindness are the things you always remember.We also had a storm last night and now the humidity's finally gone, thank God, and now it's fresher and cooler and we have a nice breeze and lightening hit a business in a nearby town too, causing a fire, and I remember when I was little lightening hit our family's cottage roof too and burned it to the ground and I had left my beloved toy Snoopy there from the summer; I had forgotten it, and it died in the fire and I was so sad and I still remember it now, some 50 years later.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive….”