Rememberings.

Yesterday I got a nice surprise I wasn't expecting( although tecnically that's what a surprise is!) I walked into the living room and found the Sinead O'Connor's (one of my fave. singers ever since I was 20) autobiographical book of memoirs Rememberings I wanted sitting on the coffee table right where I sit on the couch! Whaaat? Where did this come from? I had asked my hubby to order it(since he has this Amazon discount thing and orders them en masse and always says there's no limit to books because it's reading) but he said he wouldn't because  it was soo expensive; 40$ ( even though now I actually have  the book it says 28.99$ on it and then price higher in Canada....of course; we always get ripped-off and over-charged for everything! but WHY is it soooo much more though, for the same book, even with the exchange rate?) but it turned out he had a 20$ coupon off so he got it for just 20$ ,so I thought I was just S.O.L, and, in fact, I was even considering just buying it myself and was thinking of ordering it myself online anytime soon, 40$ or not, f*ck it; I so desperately want to read it....

It's a good thing that I didn't order it though because he never told me he'd ordered it and then it showed up yesterday I just shrieked loudly with delight and surpise he had to tell me to shut up as he was on a call with work and they would hear me yelling! I was just soooo happy and the kind of joy where you pick up the book and hug it close to your chest and jump up and down and all around the room shrieking with joy. I just love  reading too; I always have( as well as writing) and whenever I get a new book it's like everything just stops and gets put on hold for the entire day while I just stop and read. I even missed my daily nap yesterday because I couldn't put the book down. It was a Weed Day too so a book that would have normally taken me 2-3 HRS to read ended up taking me 5 HRS, and I'd never go for any of those tech e-readers or on iPad or anything either; I like  the feeling of holding a book  in my hands and of turning the pages and I just love  the smell of a fresh brand-new book too. Nothing beats that! I can still remember even as a kid coming home from the library ever week with 2 big bags, carrying one on each side, walking home, bags bulging with books, and I'd read them all too, sitting curled away somewhere, in a world of my own ,caught up in some far-ff fantasy adventure land that only reading can take you.

This is also a photo that my friend F ( from grade 6, on the left) sent me of him and my BFF ( on the right.) They met up with eachother the other day at her restaurant(she owns a Korean restaurant) and here they are saying hi to me and sent it to my Facebook and at first I wasn't sure how to react; if I should feel a bit "slighted" that they didn't invite me,too, because usually the 3 of us all get together at the same time, and almost as if the photo was saying Ha,ha, look at us! We're both here and you're not! We never invited you!  or if it's the other  way; that they had a visit and were thinking about me and missing  me and sent me the photo to say hi.....shit....that's one of the worst things about being autistic and having bipolar is the way it makes you think and how your thoughts get so jumbled up and you're not sure sometimes how to think and what things actually mean.I'd like to think it's the last one, yet I always put more into friendships than others do, like with my BFF even; to me she's my best life-long friend( ever since we were 12) yet when her father died she never even told  me until months  later which hurt me; here I thought we were such good friends you think she would have told me right away(and I knew he was sick) and when she thought a few years ago she might have had breast cancer( luckily she didn't) I was all prepared to just drop everything and go up there and stay with her for as long as she needed, esp. since she lives alone. 

The neighbours at the corner have moved now,too,and it always make me feel a sort of sadness, a loss and emptiness of a sort, when people move away, as they've just become part of the "fabric" of the neighbourhood and I always wonder what happened to them; how far away they moved and where they went and if they're happy and settled into their new place, and it's soooo hot lately too that even the rubber on my flip-flops is melting and sticking to my feet and it's just so creepy and gross, and Buddy did this huge soft shit today( think Dairy Queen soft-serve ice cream) and it filled up half the poop bag so it must have been the carrots he ate(he loves carrots!), and when I travel I get to combine my love of geography, history, languages, and culture all at the same time,too, and the sad thing is now I no longer have anything left to look forward to anymore(no more travel for me with the ban on non-vaxxed and I don't have any $$$ anyway), no future, nothing good coming up, nothing. It's all been done, there's nothing left anymore.

Ugly people deserve love,too.