The Roof.

After over 2 years of nagging my hubby to fix the roof of my shade/shelter thing out on the backyard porch yesterday he finally did! I had pretty much just given up on it actually. The old one is pictured here above, as you can see half of the slats are completely gone, allowing the sun and rain to just come thru, sort of defeating the purpose of shelter, and pictured below is the new one, and it looks like he used some kind of plastic tablecloth or something I doubt will last beyond the summer( the wood lasted for years) with the sun, the wind and esp. later with the snow. Originally it had been a porch swing with a canvas roof over it but it only lasted about 2 years or so so my hubby re-inforced the swing and the roof with wood as it lasts longer than the fabric, which it did, for a few years, but the swing broke a few years ago and I've just been using the roof for shade(I put my lounge chair underneath and have Buddy's little cushion there beside me,too) or to shelter my sunflowers when we have a storm but 6 of the wooden slabs(half) had blown off over the past couple of years only leaving us a small amount of shelter and shade and as much as I love the sun( yesterday I was tanning for 5 HRS!) there are still times I need shade,too, and Buddy prefers it most of the time and at first yesterday morning my hubby just tore the old ones off and left, saying he'll finish it later(and for him  "later" can mean anything from a week up to 6 months or even longer!) and I'm like But you can't just leave it like that! I need shade! You shouldn't have taken the old ones off yet until you're ready to put the new ones on! You should have just left it then! and he snarked, I just did!  and stalked off and I was soooo mad and he left it like that pretty much all day,too, and at first I actually thought he just took off  the roof to torture me so that I wouldn't have any shade or shelter from the heat, just to be mean, but then later on in the evening he did finally finish it off, thank God, much to my relief! In just 1-2 days my sunflowers had quite a big growth-spurt,too,and now go all the way up to my chest already,too!

Yesterday I was also sooooo jet-lag tired I was late for my nap waiting up for my hubby to bring back the food for my mother's birthday  and he was taking sooo long( he was gone an hour and still not back) and my eyes just kept closing so I just gave up and went for a nap; it was the kind of tired where you stumble over your own feet and slur your words and just look for a bed anywhere quiet where you can drop and sleep but I couldn't sleep as I was so hungry that my stomach actually hurt  and I had this really bad pain on the left side of my neck too that felt kind of like when you turn or twist your neck really fast and get a painful "kink" and it's so painful you can't even move; it felt like that only 100 times worse; the kind that just brings tears to your eyes, and below is my mother's birthday cake and she was whining to me that it's Not what I wanted!(she had given my hubby a drawing of it but he lost it)  even though it is  the vanilla cake with the pink roses and frosting she asked for with the 80! Wow! she requested.....the only "problem" is she wanted it to look like this instead:

80!

Wow!

and they did it like this instead:

80 Wow!

.....that's it. I know, talk about picky! Sheesh! Also when my hubby brought the cake back she asked him, Where's the ice cream? I said it's what I WANT!! and she said it so loud I could even hear her outside so he turns around and goes right back to get it for her, obedient little toady that he is, and I can only imagine how furious he must have been at her and how fuming he must have been inside but as always he never said anything to her because he never does; he never stands up to her because she's the Gravy Train and he knows it, but if it was me who said that he would have really let me "have" it and he would have screamed, You should be grateful that I even got you the cake! Now shut up!!! In our family it doesn't necessarily matter what you say or even how you say it; it's who you are; if it's me  I  get belittled, berated, talked-down to, scolded, told-off, bawled-out, told I should be "grateful" for what I get, etc. but it's OK for anyone else  to do/say the exact same thing, and it's also OK if someone else says or does anything mean/disrespectful/demeaning/unfair, etc. to me  but God forbid I should defend myself, mention it, call them out on it, speak out, stand up for myself, or point it out in any way, otherwise I get blamed ,ganged-up on, and hassled.

For food yesterday we also had Swiss Chalet  and KFC  and I got this really gross brown thing( shown in the photo below) in my KFC chicken sandwich and it tasted gross too and it just really grossed me out and so much I don't think I'll even be able to eat their chicken sammich anymore( and I really used to love  those things,too!) I have no idea what it even is! It's so disgusting and gross though whatever it is! WTF though?

  Ugh!!!!

Someone also left a mean comment on my Twitter  too about my anti-vax post but at first I thought he was actually agreeing with me and it was a compliment, but that's one of the problems with autism is you can't read social cues, innuendoes, and read in-between the "lines" and I take things literally too so I often can't tell if someone's actually being sincere or just being a sarcastic asshole.

My mother also smirked that the kids "like her more" (than they like me) is Because I'm nicer to them when in actual fact what she really means is because she bribes  them and she always has; she's always been the one to "buy" their affection; she's the one to always give them candy and other treats, and to buy them other things, and having more $$$ than I do she's always been able to "out-do" me in the gifts department and impress them with more material things, and she's the one to over-rule and veto me when I give them a punishment she'd simply come along and "un-do" it and set them "free"telling them to just ignore me and and to them she'd be the fun one and I was the one that made them work; I was the only one that ever did any discipline, I made them follow rules  and gave punishments and I made them study  and do schoolwork and I made them do chores too, so I guess in their eyes I was the "mean" one that made them work and she (and my hubby) were the "fun" ones that didn't expect anything from them but it makes me feel like I'm this horrible, terrible, awful person even though I don't want  to be, don't mean  to be and try not  to be and it hurts when your own kids hate you but it was my job, my vocation  to be a parent (and NOT a "friend") and that's what I did.

I am now ashes but I was once fire- Lord Byron.