First of all, sorry this photo ended up side-ways; my iPod is seriously dying and yet I'm hesitant to spend the $$$ to get a new one (because it's so expensive and I really don't think I'm going to be around for that much longer)and I don't know how to fix the photo so just tilt your head side-ways to see it. These are the yummy Cadbury mini Easter eggs the 18 YR old just loves (so do I, I mean, really though.....who doesn't?) and so when she left for Vancouver in May I bought this big bag for her return, as a Welcome Home! gift, but she didn't return in September like she was originally going to, and it doesn't look like she's going to any time soon(if ever!) either but rather going to stay there and continue living there with 2 of her sisters full-time, so now the question is: what do I do with the chocolate in the meantime? Do I still hold on to them a bit longer in case she still does decide to come back later at some point and if so, for how long should I keep them before they go stale, esp. since they were packaged back in April for Easter....or should I just give it up and accept that she's probably NOT going to come back and just eat them myself?(Oh, well, it's such a "sacrifice" but someone's got to do it and we can't waste food, afterall....) It's disappointing though as she never even knew I had them waiting at home for her return; I just thought it would have been a nice surprise for when she got back because I know she loves them so much and she was looking for them just before she left. I was looking forward to seeing the smile on her face when she saw it. Now she'll never know.I really miss what we had when she was younger,too, she was the girl I had always wanted and prayed for and we used to be so close; she was my muse and my inspiration and then one day something just happened to her (I never did find out what even though I kept trying) and she just snapped and broke and started self-harming, stealing, became anorexic, completely shut me out and even hated me even though all I ever did was love her and desperately tried to break thru to her. That was the final straw that just broke and destroyed me,too; when I finally just gave up; gave up on life, on parenting, on everything. It just gutted me. I had lost the person that meant the most to me. I still hope to some day get her back again.
I think my mother(who is 80 now) is losing her mind as well; forgetful and can't spell anymore now,either; for instance her nick-name for over 35 years has been "Draco" (from "draconian") and she knows how to spell it obviously but the other day I saw she'd written it as Drako and she mis-spelled croissants as crosantes and instead of pumpkin mousse cake on the grocery list she wrote pumpkin mousse coke and she always mixed up the 14 YR old's name and calls him by the 23 YR old's name( but they do look alike) and has even called me the 22 YR old's name, and things like that; she's just "scattered"and I've been like that for years too and an MRI showed white matter decline so I wonder if maybe it's the same with her now,too and if it might be something even genetic? My hubby also like to taunt me saying the Edmonton Boys like redneck hockey and the 22 YR old likes it and redneck country music,too, and I expected higher standards from my kids but they obviously get that from him and I caught my diabetic mother sneaking candy yesterday too and fall can suck it' I was outside still suntanning yesterday! HA! Kiss my ass, fall!! I also have this bad pain on my right side under my ribs that feels like something is "stuck" under there and filling up, sort of like when I was prego and the baby's feet or butt was under my ribs. Maybe my liver is inflamed?
Now that the Chinese Huawei exec has finally been free after 3 YRS( she never should have even been detained here, it was USA that told this country to do it just because she'd done business with Iran and USA didn't like it even though that's not even any of USA's business but Canada always sucks USA's dick and never stands up to them) China has also freed the 2 Michaels; the 2 Canadian nationals they had been holding in jail in retailiation,or as a "trade" in return( a tactic that worked, and once they sentenced them to 11 YRS their citizen was finally let go), and I wonder if they also have to show a vaccine passport and/or quarantine before they let them back into the country,too, or if with all this crazy COVID shit they might not even want to come back, merely trading 1 tyranny for another, and rather be sent somewhere else instead, and I just realized the other day too that in the Catholic Eucharist saying Jesus to eat His body and drink His blood...sounds cannabalistic, even Satanic and just really gives me the creeps when I think about it, and the 3 English words everyone knows even if they don't speak it are also OK, f*ck, and Coke, and everyone that comes into your life( both good and bad) are there for a reason, to teach you a lesson,and for you to teach them a lesson, to learn and grow in life, spiritually and otherwise, and what I've learned the most in life is to never trust anybody, and that it's the ones you love the most that also hurt you the most, and it's always the ones you least expect too; the ones that are guilty, or that will hurt you, use you, lie to you, cheat you, betray you,steal from you, etc.and that life is very cruel to those that are different.
Anytime somebody denies your reality you don’t need them in your life.
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