Lefty.

I am left-handed as you may know. I always have been. I was born this way. So were my Dedushka and my mother's uncle and also my oldest. yes, I think it's genetic. My left hand is my dominant hand but growing up in a right-handed dominant world I had to adapt early to learn to adjust to it, such as with scissors, certain style of desks in school and such and because of that I can use both hands equally for pretty well most tasks so if I ever broke my left had or arm I'd still be ok. It's weird too because growing up the way I did there are some tasks that I just do with my right hand because I had to adapt that way and so I wrote a list, and the things I do left-handed are:

- write

-eat

-brush/curl/flat-iron/blowdry,etc. my hair

-brush my teeth

-shave

-apply make-up

-light my bong(I hold it in my right hand)

- use my iPod

- do the TV remote

Things I use my right hand for:

- scissors

-playing guitar

-playing violin

-tennis

-holding my joint

-using the computer mouse

Today is also day 5 of my really bad abdomenal pain( back pain too but the abdomenal pain is so bad it overshadows it) worse than ever and it feels similar to my gallbladder pain too when it was on the verge of rupture before they took it out; that familiar raw gnawing pain along with cramps that feel like really bad period cramps and pain that feels like you're being kicked by a horse, and it's not just in one spot either but all over; diffuse all in my abdomen which could be colon or appendix, lower back which could be kidney, under right rib which could be liver or pancreas, and I wonder if it's an infection, imflammation or even some sort of cancer? it's so bad I'm also sweaty, feel faint and nauseated from the pain, have no appetite, and I always feel "full" and like I always have to shit,too, even after I just did, and only weed helps to relieve the pain and my hubby accuses me of smoking in the house(which I don't; I sit outside on the veranda watching the rain and the leaves falling as the birds sing me happy joyful songs of fairies and fauna as I drift away on a cloud, floating away carried off on a breeze of blessed pain-free relief for a few hours) and he says I stink up the entire house and I told him I'm sorry if it offends you but it's the only thing that stops me from writhing around in pain on the floor in agony. Buddy also kept whining, barking,and humping my leg yesterday too trying to alert me; he knows something's wrong and that I'm not well. I just want to die at home though.

My Facebook friend also found out she's having a boy and at the gender-reveal party her BF also proposed to her too, and she said yes! I heard there's this guy on Jeopardy  as well that has the same unique uncommon last name as one of the oldest's friends as a teen at the old church,too, so I wonder if he's related? it's such an unusual name I think it's likely and I still remember the kid,too; he used the term poindexter  and it made me laugh because back in the 80's we used it,too, and it still had the same meaning: dork, and he had some condition too where his skin looked too 'tight"for his body and at first I thought he had been burned in a fire. I wonder if my oldest still remembers him? I've always liked cornrows as long as I can remember as well; even as a kid I thought they were beautiful and even before I knew their actual name I called them Cleopatra Hair, and I wonder too how come the words "golf" and "wolf" don't rhyme( English is a weird language and it doesn't follow the rules like other languages do) and since I'm not beautiful myself I try to create my own beauty around me and surround myself with beauty ; bright colours, candles, flowers and plants, music, art, etc. in my home and yard, to bring cheer, joy, beauty, and light into my life.

I was also finally able to catch up on the 22 YR old's podcasts (see here):

https://open.spotify.com/show/18GopBVQr7smiYXOTpIAan

and she said the second-oldest got a tattoo and she and the 18 YR old got more piercings, incl. something called I think she called a helix (like the band!) and hers bled so much it ran all down her neck; she must be like me and the 25 YR old; heavy bleeders, so if they ever  have kids they better watch as I always bled alot during  each birth and always needed stuff in the IV with every one to control the heavy bleeding and almost needed a blood transfusion with a few of them,too! She chronicled her Vancouver trip and said the scencery is amazingly beautiful but the city itself shocked her with it's crime and poverty; it's open public drug selling and use, so many homeless, so dirty, ghetto, skid-rown ,so many crazy people, so much povery and squalor,etc. and said she went hiking in the woods and was afraid she'd get eaten by a bear,too, but luckily they were ok, and I noticed as well she's never mentioned me once in all her podcasts(I generally think podcasts are boring, just a bunch of boring talk- I prefer music- but for this I make an exception) even though she often mentions her childhood, growing up and family and she often mentions her siblings, my hubby, and even my mother, but she's never mentioned me, almost as if I've been excluded, censored, not part of the family, not part of the narrative.It's sad too because she's the most like  me,too; likes writing, art, purple is her fave. colour, she likes the Doc Marten shoes like how I like the Chuck Taylor Hi-Tops  and she has a gift like I do(and my Babushka was as well) and has a Sixth Sense  and keen intuition and can see/know./sense/predict/dream about things ahead of time before they happen, can "leave" her body,etc.; what the Irish call being Fey. 

She also said she has had sleep paralysis and from what she has described it sounds like demons are harrassing her as well: she can't move, feels like something heavy is sitting on her chest, she feels a sudden coldness in the room,has even seen shadowyfigures, even sitting on her bed and even felt one "spooning" her and levitating her legs and she said she used to believe in angels and demons as a kid but doesn't anymore( she's lost her faith as she grew up) but just because you don't believe in demons( or angels or God) doesn't mean that they aren't real  and that they don't exist  and demons have been known to harrass people that are  gifted  too because they see them as a spiritual threat, and both my mother and I have seen angels a few times; just quickly passing thru a room; tall shadowy hazy tall figures that move really fast and one time I remember the 18 YR old saying when she was little she saw her GUardian Angel sitting at the end of her bed watching over her and I can still remember during the perilous pre-term  labour of the 23 YR old I could feel and sense a heavenly spirit and presense(some sort of angel, either my Guardian Angel or his) next to my hospital bed the entire time, watching over us) as he was born not breathing and had to be revived; I felt  this comfoting presence there with us the entire time. I know it's real.

I always walked alone in life until I got my dog.