The Diary.

Ever since I was 13 well into my 40's I used to faithfully keep a daily diary but then once I started an online blog over 10 years ago I switched to that(except for my travel diaries) but still kept a notebook/journal sort of thing that the odd time I write down the more significant things in  so it's random and the entries can be anywhere from 4 months to 4 years apart, and the other day I felt a "prompting" (I'm ceratin by the Holy Spirit because I get them at times and I recognize it) to go back and re-read parts of it so I did and I came to a few entries back in June 4 months ago I had actually forgotten about(or most likely blocked out) describing the exact same thing Buddy just went thru now with his bleeding; that he had blood pouring out of his mouth and had tarry black bloody shit over a period of about 6 days and I thought he was dying then,too, and then he was better, just like now(and he hasn't had any more bleeding in 2 days now and today he even walked all the way up the stairs,too!) which gives me hope that maybe it really is  something he can survive and may NOT necessarily be dying imminently like I thought  which brings me great relief, joy,and gratitude, but I wonder what it is and where it's coming from?

I noticed as well that the black squishy what I thought was rotten decaying tissue on his gums that looked like blood clots are now all gone  and his gums and now back to fleshy pink again, so maybe that's what it actually was; blood clots and that's where the bleeding was coming from?  Maybe they bled as they ruptured or as they came off and I remember seeing it awhile ago too so maybe it was even back in June when he had the other bleed? maybe that's  the answer to the mystery all along and I needed  that "prompt" to give me the answer I needed as well as peace of mind? It's weird though how the bleeding only ever happening during the night and never during the day but only up in bed at night, so did it have something to do with the higher elevation of my bedroom being on the 3rd floor that somehow "triggered" it, or perhaps the bouncing, jiggling motion of him being carried up the stairs to bed at night that triggered it, or what? In any case it feels like he's been restored to me and we've been given more time, whether it's just a few more hours, a few more days, or a few more months; whatever it is I am grateful for it,thankful to God for every second I still have left with him. He is my everything  in life and without him I have nothing.

 I also finally got My Precious: the KFC Double Down. I have been craving it for days but my hubby didn't want to go get it so I tried online to get it delivered but in total it would have been 18$ and there's no way I'm paying 18$ for a sammich but yesterday he finally went to get some for the 14 YR old so he picked it up and it was just divine; Heavenly. I picked out the bacon(since I can't eat pork) and gave it to Buddy.Oh, my God, it was just sooooo good. I know, I know, gluttony is my biggest sin( the 27 YR old would say lust is,too) and I also finally found the Bob Marley calendar(as well as a sunflowers one for my bedroom wall) on Amazon  and I have Prime so I also got free shipping and it even ended up cheaper than if I got it from the usual calendar place,too, and the handle on our front door screen door broke and it  just fell off  and all of a sudden I got a really bad feeling about my doctor(who is suddenly closing his practice) too; that he has cancer or something and he's dying but I hope it's not true but it worries me because my instincts are very strong and usually accurate, 

My cough is even worse now as well, and so bad now tears come out of meyes when I cough and it hurts under my right ribs, like how my ribs hurt when I had pneumonia years ago( when I was 5 mos. prego with the 22 YR old actually) but I had a 104 F fever then too and coughing up blood and I don't even have a fever now, so maybe it's a pulmonary embolism or a lung tumour or something. Wouldn't it be ironic if it was COVID though, but then again, no fever. Maybe I inhaled mold from my bong or something? I'm surprised though coughing the way I do I haven't got abs of steel by now! On the news they also asked who is the greatest Canadian basketball player of all time and I can't even name one  basketball player, Canadian or otherwise, and my mother referred to my joint as a "cigarette" too and I told her rolled-up weed is never a "cigarette"; that's for tobacco only, it's a joint, doobie, spliff, etc. and when I was younger I used to "re-invent" myself as well so other people would like me but it still never worked and now I'm just my authentic self and they still don't like me except now I don't care.

You can't passively obey your way to freedom.- Paul Mitchell