Christmas Steve Eve.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve eve so we call it Christmas Steve  so that would make today Christmas Steve eve and this year everyone will think I've gone all 'fancy" giving them presents in gift bags when in actual reality I'm just really too lazy to wrap them, and the 25 YR old and her BF have to stay at a hotel in a nearby town over 20 minutes away as opposed to one here because that's the closest place that they have an electric charging station for his Tesla ;they don't have any of that stuff here in backwoods Bumble-f*ck ,and the 27 YR old has this new Dior Homme cologne too that smells so nice, fresh,and crisp, like freshly-washed bed linens, scented candles, essential oils, air freshener spray, or the fabric softener you put in the dryer, and he had me sniff his new candle as well that smells like bed linen which is one of my fave. scents and always reminds me of  when I was a kid visiting my fave. aunt and staying over for the weekend and she had these nice down pillows and her pillows and bedsheets smelled like that and it's such a warm, cozy, comfy smell, and visiting relatives(grandparents, aunts,uncles and cousins) is where I had that feeling of Home and Family too, and a sense of belonging; a feeling that I never really had with my own family.

I also was running low on pre-rolls(joints) but I had to go back and order from my old medicinal supplier as the new dispensary no longer delivers  anymore with the new COVID restrictions (f*ck!) and now Israel is doing 4th boosters too so now it's just a matter of time before the rest of the world follows and then a 5th and a 6th and so on; it will never end and it's just like blackmail and the more you give in to it the more they keep demanding and you have to just NOT COMPLY and the dumb sheeple  are lining up for HRS  outside in the cold (I wouldn't line up for hours for anything, not even free concert tickets or free weed) too to get free COVID tests as well( even without any symptoms; they're just mass hysteria from all the fear mongering) and some people got smart and re-sell them online for hundreds of $$$ and the gov't said they're going after them and fining them over 100K and years in jail but if people are dumb enough to pay that much then people are smart enough to make $$$ off it! I know one kid who made over 500$!I also wonder too if the Underground Railroad still exists and can be used today,only in reverse, so that Canadians can flee the tyranny here and take refuge in USA? I know many have already left, to USA and also to places like Mexico, Brazil,and other places in Central and South America where they have more freedom and no tyrannical restrictions, mandates, lockdowns and segregation. just like Jews fled Europe in WWII.

Last night watching the news the voices also all sounded really weird, really deep and slowed down, altered like hostage takers' do when they phone for ransom demands and my stomach really hurts too and feels all hard and feels like it's filled with cement, and my fluid retention and edema is soooo bad(despite the diuretics)usually indicating kidney or heart failure, esp. in my lower legs the skin feels so tight like it's going to burst open, and I still have that weird headache that often wakes me up and keep farting soooo much as well I'm like a whoopie cushion or a fart machine and one of my pills is running out too(I only have enough until friday) and early last week I called the pharmacy for a renewal but it expired so they had to fax the doctor but days went by and no reply so I was freaking out; what if I run out so then they phoned him and yesterday Mohammed at the pharmacy called and said they finally got it and it can be picked up today! Whew! What a relief! Something funny as well: the 22 YR old called her old car Philip.......fill up......get it? She's just like me, weird like that, naming inanimate objects,ha,ha!

My hubby also tried to show me and talk me thru a process on my computer(again) as well and of course it never worked for me(just like nothing ever does; I'm a jinx) even though I did it exactly like he said....but he did the exact same thing and it worked for him the first time, in just mere seconds, and it frustrates and angers him to no end too that  due to my autism I can't adapt to change and have trouble learning new things but how does he think that it makes me feel, and I also realized too that even though I have zero patience short-term( like waiting for anything, in line, for my computer to load, when my stream buffers, uploading a song,being put on hold, etc) but when it really matters, long-term, I do have patience and endurance, such as recovering after our fire, the 23 YR old's leukemia when he was 7, persecution from an enemy, the 18 YR old's anorexia and self-harm when she was 14, among all the other traumas in my life, so when it really counts I do  have the patience and endurance when I need it most, and it's also sad to realize that I've lost everyone I've ever loved and Buddy is all I have and I can't lose him,too, because then I'll have nothing left, and when I die no one will even notice or care (other than my dog; I know he loves me) and my family wouild even swim in my blood when it's still warm and it's sad to realize too that my friend far away in Australia cares more about me than my own family does, and the other day when I had that dream I was in Romania I was so happy to be travelling and free again too but then when I realized it was just a dream I was so disappointed to realize I'm just stuck  here with no escape.

"Disobedience is the true foundation of Liberty. The obedient must be slaves " ~Henry David Thoreau